“Autism rages loud, all-consuming, battering at your spirit just as you batter at my door. But it batters at mine too, trying to pull us down into the abyss of this meltdown. An Autism meltdown for you, a questioning of my Motherhood meltdown for me. Am I doing this right? Do I have the skills for this? Can I really do this?”
“Often, we hear feel-good stories about helping special needs people. You know the ones. Ones, where the Boy takes the Girl with Down-Syndrome to the Prom. Not because he’s interested in her, but so she can be included. Everyone should be included. But it sometimes seems that there is a small spark of disingenuousness in this action. In the disability community, there is a term for these stories. It’s “Inspirational Porn.””
“Sometimes my children ask and badger so much that I start wondering if I’m just being a bad Mom. Times have changed since I was a kid.
But that’s just it. Times have changed. In a world where pornography, a huge increase in sex trafficking, cyber bullying, and SO much more is out there, we need to stand firm. It is our responsibility to keep our children safe, and as their parent, you get to decide what that is.” Read more. . .
If your spouse is in the military, law enforcement, or dealing with a potentially deadly illness, you have played the “What do I do if my spouse dies game?” You may have played it anyway if you are the type of person like me who wants to have a plan for every contingency.
I say “game,” but it’s not a game you ever want to play. But this is the reality of life for people in these situations.
When my husband was deployed to a war zone, I met another spouse whose husband was also at war. She said when she can’t sleep, she figures out how she is going to spend her husband’s life insurance. She plans out his funeral. As he is double insured, she had lots of money to figure out how to spend. For his funeral? She planned on getting Clay Aiken to sing because her husband couldn’t stand his singing. She thought it might be enough to make him rise from the dead if she did that.
Those of us who find ourselves in situations of life where our spouse could die, find that there are necessary conversations that must be had. There are contingency plans that must be made, that while others might make them, for us, the reality is that the chances are much higher we might have to enact that plan.
If your spouse dies, will you stay where you are? Move closer to the family? Change jobs or go back to work? How will childcare be handled? How will we handle life? These are the thoughts that run through our brains in the middle of the night. This is a fact of life for us.
There are unexpected benefits.
1- If it happens? We have a plan. Not everyone has one.
2- We highly value the time we do get with our spouse because we know that any day, things could change.
So here’s to all the other spouses and families out there playing the “What Do I Do If?” game. May you never need to use it.