Am I Enough?
I needed a picture of myself for a blog post. But let me tell you, that is a three-day production…
Day 1- Tweeze eyebrows (and other places hair should not be on your face).
Day 2- Dye the gray hairs to a color at least mostly like the color you’ve always had.
Day 3- Actually do my hair and makeup… then get up the courage to take that shot…
Then I look at the picture, and I pull it apart. My skin is the wrong color. I should have tweezed more of my eyebrows. Where is my smile? My hair is too short. I should lose twenty pounds.
This is the inner dialog that goes through my brain, and it’s not just this one time with this one picture. It’s EVERY SINGLE TIME. There are a lot of pictures of me that I hide. I don’t like them. There’s a reason I have never changed my personal Facebook profile picture. It’s one of the very few I really like.
I am not and have never been comfortable in my own skin and I think that a lot of other people feel this way as well. Since having a daughter I have at least tried to quiet the verbal and physical manifestations of this. But that voice still harps on in my head and I worry that my daughter will still pick up on it and make that her own voice.
My daughter is beautiful, capable, smart, and so many other things. She has so much potential. I don’t want to pass on this crippling idea of self that I am not good enough. I don’t want this to be a battle that she has to fight. She doesn’t need to. Because she is.
My son has in many ways been one of my champions in this fight. Recently he told me I was the best Mom that anyone could ever want. On previous occasions, he has told me I am beautiful. I know that to him, that is how he views me. It is a fight to reconcile that with the woman I am and know.
I have been getting acupuncture treatments and my Naturopath suggested that I work on meditating while getting the treatments as I spend an hour lying on a table with no distractions. To direct myself and help focus I usually find a mantra for the day that I’m trying to help myself find peace with. The first one I chose was, “I am Enough.”
This has been a theme of several of my blog posts. Have you noticed it? I think I am hoping that if I say it often enough, one day I will believe it and be able to accept it.
I have made progress. There are areas in my life where I can say with confidence that “I an Enough.” But it is often a constant battle to hold the ground I have won.
In sharing this, it is my hope that perhaps together we can support each other to find one day that, we really are enough for God, our Families, and Ourselves.
I pick photos of myself apart like this all the time and we really shouldn’t! Thanks for joining in with #TriumphantTales.
Thanks for having me and thanks for reading.
I hate most pictures of myself and worry that I am passing my insecurities on to my children so try to be kind to myself to set a good example. Thanks for linking up with #globalblogging
It is hard not to pass those insecurities on to our children. I’m hoping if I don’t voice them I’ll be successful in not passing them on.
Something so many women deal with! It is at the heart of my message, as well. We are not merely a reflection of the broken world in which we live … We are a reflection of an amazing powerful mighty and everlasting God! He calls us beautiful ♥ Yet, what a battle we fight in this world that looks at beauty in such a different way. And in this world that displays its idea of beauty loudly all over social media. It’s hard to escape the pressure in our world today. Blessings to you, my friend. I am praying the day comes soon where you see yourself as far more than enough ♥ And thank you so much for sharing hope alongside us at #MomentsofHope!
Blessings,
Lori
Thank you for your kind words.
Fab post!! It’s so tricky if you don’t feel great about yourself to quite that voice!! Especially round the kids !! I do enjoy a mantra though and “I am enough” is a really good one to connect with #BlogCrush
Thank you. It has become an important one to me as I work to move forward as a person.
You’re absolutely right, truth be told I would say most people out there are battling these type of insecurities. How many people out there are completely content with themselves? Very few. But it’s true, most of the time the biggest battle that we have is with ourselves. Those little nagging doubts are always in there trying to chip away at you. But don’t give in to them. You sound like you are definitely on the right path. #GlobalBlogging
Thank you. It is a work in progress I think for most of us.
saying it out loud helps me realize that I’m focusing on me myself and I and not on the reality of my exchanged life of the Spirit – Christ in me the hope of glory and w/o Him I am not enough, tweezed and all. You look great in purple, btw!!
Thank you. Purple is definitely one of my colors.
I never thought what I did or who I was was enough for others. It took me a long time before I decided to live life by my own standards and as long as the person looking back in the mirror is happy and that is good enough for me. #GlobalBlogging
Agreed. Turning 40 has made me let a lot of that go and just enjoy.
Hello Calleen,
Thank you for sharing your innermost thoughts in this post. I, too, have that same voice in my head, speaking to me. Sometimes I’m afraid to stop this because, for the longest time, this voice has pushed me to work harder and to do the best that I can in everything I do. Because this voice always says I’m not enough.
But now I also see how this voice can hurt me and make me unhappy. I’m a work in progress and I’m fine with that. Having my son has also strengthened my resolve to love and accept who I am.
We are enough.
Best,
Sigrid
You bring up an interesting conundrum that I haven’t thought of, that that voice can push us to do things. I’m going to have to spend some time thinking about that and how that works into my thought process. Thanks for stopping in and reading and sharing your thoughts.
Fab read and spot on Thank you for linking to #Thatfridaylinky please come back next week
Thanks for stopping by and reading.
I take each day as it comes. I am enough for what tasks are ahead of me. Tomorrow will take care of itself. #thatfridaylinky
Agreed. Thanks for stopping in.
I can totally relate to this. I have good days and bad days…. I also go for acupuncture and never thought about meditating whilst on the table but that is a great idea I’m going to try it at my next session. Thanks for linking up to #coolmumclub Calleen x
Glad I could help. Thanks for stopping by and reading.
Great post. I tell myself I am enough then worry about my belly in pictures. I’ll keep working on it.
It seems like there is always something doesn’t there. I’m trying to ignore those nagging things.
You are so normal – too many of us have this critial dialogue in our heads. Embrace yourself honey – you ar enough.
Thank you. Getting rid of that dialogue is a work in progress.
Hi Calleen, I never thought I was enough either, but I am with Jesus. Your picture is fine, I have to get a new driver’s license, and I have had a good picture, already praying over that. Jesus the altogether lovely one makes us beautiful as we follow Him, it comes from the inside out.
I agree intellectually, getting my brain to believe it is a whole other ballgame.