“Hey, you really don’t want to do that.”
“You aren’t capable of this!”
“You’re going to fail!”
“You can’t do that!”
“You are stupid!”
“Just give up!”
“It’s too hard. You don’t need things that are hard in your life right now.”
This is what my brain was screaming at me 2 weeks into my return to college. And then, bring on the migraines, excruciating eye pain, having a hard time breathing or any manner of ways my chronic anxiety manifests itself.
Judging from what is written above you might think that going back to school has been really hard for me. Here’s the thing though, I’m rocking school. Math is driving me crazy, but I expected that. I’m making great progress though it is through sheer brute force.
What surprises me and yet doesn’t surprise me is that my anxiety has been ramping up. Every time I push myself to do something new, out of my comfort zone, this is what my brain and body do. This is what it’s like to live with a Chronic Anxiety Disorder. I took did a the morning after.
I can't keep myself in a little bubble that my anxiety would prefer I stay in. Click To Tweet
I can be and want to be more than my anxiety. Just as I push my son with Autism to experience more, stretch more, I expect the same of myself.
The trick is finding balance. At the same time, I started back to school, my Dentist wanted me to cut out all sugar, soda, and juice. He told me that if I didn’t, I was risking not having any molars in the near future. Soda wasn’t a big deal to cut out of my diet, but sugar and juice were. Going cold turkey sent my anxiety into a full-blown panic attack. I realized for me, this was not striking a balance. This was too much for my psyche for now.
So instead, I’ve cut out juice, soda, all candy and reduced my intake of sugar. I can still have that piece of cheesecake- but it may take two meals to finish it. This is a balance I can live with right now.
As I was fighting the demons in my head that were saying, “You can’t do this (school). You’re too stupid and it’s ridiculous that you thought you could.” What was the tipping point that triggered me?
Talking to a College Advisor about my next steps and realizing I have to make some big decisions about where I will go next, very soon.
I am doing fine with my daily classes (though most days I come home and take a power nap for my self-care). It just doesn’t take a lot to set my anxiety spinning over the edge.
In this journey of dealing with a chronic issue of Anxiety, my biggest win is that I can recognize now the lies my brain is telling me. Click To TweetI choose instead of listening to it, to take my medication. (And all the supplements my Doctor wants me on.) I can choose to recognize that sometimes I need to walk away from everything for a couple of hours. I can hold fast to the knowledge that likely, things will look better in the morning. And sometimes that’s exactly what I need. To give myself grace, put myself to bed and start fresh in the morning.
This helpful post is a FAMILY feature on the March You’re the STAR blog hop: God’s Growing Garden
Thanks
Angie
Thank you! I have your logo with the others I have been featured in on my blog but for some reason, it only sometimes shows up.
Bless you as you continue to navigate–your self-awareness is a grace from God and He will continue to lead you to bless others. And congrats on school. Math would send me over the edge…
Thank you.
I love what you said here: “In this journey… my biggest win is that I can recognize now the lies my brain is telling me.” That is such a huge thing. When we recognize the lies, we can then actively fight them with Truth. And the Truth sets us free.
What you’re doing by going back to college is a big deal. I applaud you. Even doing that without anxiety is commendable! God has promised to give you everything you need to live out what He’s called you to do. Knowing your limitations, walking in grace, and resting in Him are all powerful evidences of His faithfulness in and through you.
Thank you for your beautiful and thoughtful response. Thank you for stopping in and reading.
So apparently we’re making our rounds together: I’m your neighbor at the Tell His Story and Let’s Have Coffee linkups. 🙂 I don’t want you to get cheated, so I thought I’d give you some extra ‘love.’ 😉
I also love how you handled what your dentist wanted you to do. You listened to his counsel, but also recognized what would or wouldn’t work for you at this moment. And kudos to you, because I can’t imagine trying to give up all of that at one time. I love my juice with supper!
Hello!
Ugh. I always said getting diabetes would be might worst nightmare. Instead, the medical community keeps trying to take my sugar and juice away anyway.
Way to go at rocking college and finding ways to self care with these life changes!
Thank you.
I don’t have anxiety, but your post spoke to me. I have a disease called Fabry, so I have to take things in stride and know when I need to take a break. I love how you put it: And sometimes that’s exactly what I need. To give myself grace, put myself to bed and start fresh in the morning. I have a hard time with thoughts of being lazy when I don’t feel up to things or want a break. Thank you for the encouragement.
Thank you for reading. I’m so glad that someone with a different experience can relate.
It’s a learning process with medical issues.