An Ordinary Mom's Musings

My diagnosis of an Anxiety Disorder came while my husband was deployed to Iraq for the first time. But I really think it started a few years earlier when I was employed as a Live-in Nanny and broke my leg. I was not able to work, yet living in my employers’ house and eating her food. She wasn’t very happy and neither was I. I lost a lot of weight during that time because the thought of food was repellent to me, and it wasn’t unusual for me to throw up due to the upsetting nature of my situation.
Fast forward a couple of years and my Husband is deployed to Iraq and was dodging IED’s. I was worried he wouldn’t come home whole. One day while at work the room started spinning around, I started shaking internally and physically, uncontrollably, not stopping for hours. I felt detached from the world like I was viewing it outside of my body. This scared me. My boss took me to the ER that night, and 5 hours later I was finally seen. By that time it had passed, so of course, the doctor had no diagnosis. He just referred me to my GP. I was emotionally drained. Nothing remotely like that had ever happened before to me. Unfortunately, that was not the last time. I went through numerous tests, and my first MRI to see if they could figure out what was wrong with me. In the end, they said it was Anxiety attacks and I needed medication and therapy. Eventually, the attacks subsided and I was able to go back off the medication only having occasional small little blips. Life was good.
A few more years passed and my husband got a job in Alaska. We lived in the Washington DC area, and this was going to be quite a change. I spent 5 months at my mother-in-law’s home with my two kids in Utah while my husband went through training for his new job. While there I suddenly had a hard time breathing. It felt like something was sitting on my chest. I went to the doctor and he was certain that since I had had Asthma as a child, it must be back. He had me blow into the peak flow meter, which yielded very poor results, and I promptly passed out. This meant a trip in an ambulance to the ER. It was the poor doctor’s first day on the job. They confirmed the diagnosis of Asthma and gave me an inhaler. But… the inhaler didn’t do anything. After further appointments, they decided it wasn’t Asthma, but my anxiety attacks were back, just coming in a different form. Back on medications and therapy, I went.
I had a good 5 years or so without medication. I had learned that when my chest started to feel tight to start the relaxation breathing I had learned. I’d also figured out that one of the indicators that I was getting into trouble and my anxiety attacks were going to start up again, is that it’s proceeded by migraines. So if I started getting several migraines in a row I knew it was time to make some lifestyle adjustments.
Our last year in Alaska, I knew that my old nemesis was coming back. I could tell that I was barely keeping it at bay. But I really didn’t want to go back on medication. I sought out a Naturopath who did some blood work, put me on some supplements and it bought me another year.
We moved to Washington State next, and with the things that were going on with my children, the move, and all the change I suddenly started experiencing severe eye pain. I was completely helpless when this would hit. I had just filled a new prescription for my glasses so I thought maybe something had gotten messed up and maybe the prescription was wrong. The eye doctor said, no. My eyes and prescription were just fine… At this point, I knew without anyone telling me what was going on. My anxiety attacks were back and I could no longer just use supplements.
Medication trials came and went as we tried to find the right medicine, the right dosage. I’m not even sure that we have it right, a year and a half later. But I’ve learned that most of the time when something starts going wacky with my body, get it checked out, but it’s probably ANXIETY.
It’s important to realize that anxiety attacks can come in all different shapes, sizes, types, and more. I believe for most people that their attacks generally come with one or two symptoms. Not everyone is as lucky as I am and has their attacks manifest in all different ways. But know that this is a possibility. Things don’t always go by the book.