Recently I was interviewing Leta Greene, regarding a project I am currently working on. Some of you might remember I reviewed her latest book “Love, Me Too: Finding a Happy and Fulfilling Life After Sexual Abuse”. During the course of my conversation with her, we touched on something that I needed to be reminded of, and maybe you do too.
Often we hear people saying, “I can’t do that.” Or maybe we have said ourselves, “I can’t do that, because of x, y, or z.” Often over the years, I know that I have used this excuse.
I said, “I can’t go sledding down that hill because of my back issues.” Or, ” I don’t have the ability to deal with that person right now due to my anxiety and depression issues.” This is okay, and sometimes necessary. It’s good to have healthy boundaries. But for me, it didn’t stop there.
The not going sledding down the hill with my kids snowballed into never wanting to go outside during the winter. The cold would make my back spasm, the ice made walking precarious and if I fell I would make my back worse. My excuses just went on and on.
Sometimes we use our disabilities as an excuse. Click To TweetI wanted to talk to Leta about the children she has had with special needs. One died, living not quite 2 months. Another has Tourette’s Syndrome. But it doesn’t occur to her to think of him as having special needs. Special needs, to her, are simply superpowers. So often we think of these disabilities and needs as a negative thing. She has turned them into positive things in her life and that of her family.
When I sit down and really think about the people I admire, the people I see out there who are happy, and really enjoying life? They aren’t making excuses. They are doing everything. These are people who are living their life to it’s fullest despite their disabilities or life issues.
. . .if we see someone who, in spite of life’s adversities, is happy a good deal of the time, we should recognize that we are looking at spiritual achievement- and one worth aspiring to. ~Leta Greene Click To Tweet 
The truth is, my back would have been better if I had spent more time with cautious exercise. My mental health would have been better if I had gone outside more and breathed the fresh air. It wouldn’t have cured my disabilities. But in the long term, it would have made me feel better. My “Superpower” of anxiety? It makes me slow down and take note of what is going on in my life. It makes me scale down to what is truly important to me. It makes me more empathetic.
I was 18 when my paternal grandfather died. My Uncle, who was tasked with speaking at the funeral, went around to all the Daughters and Sons-in-law and asked them what they felt my Grandfather had taught their spouses that had helped their marriages. My Mom’s response I’ll always remember.
Mom said, that Grandpa taught my Dad that he could do anything. If he didn’t know how to do something, that couldn’t be an excuse. He was expected to and found a way to do it. He tinkered around with it until he figured it out, he read about it, or as a last resort (because he is a man after all), he would ask someone to teach him.
As his child, I saw this play out time and time again in my own life as I would have many people say to me over the years, “You are SO talented.”, just because I was able to do something they couldn’t. Something they were afraid to do. My Dad passed on the lessons from my Grandpa Lyman. He taught me that if I wanted to learn something, learn it. Do it. Don’t let anything stand in your way. It usually had nothing to do with talent.
As I have grown older, my own mortality has become real. The consequences of doing things right the first time have hit home in a way they didn’t as a youth. I have become afraid. I started using excuses that I can’t do things because I was afraid.
I’m really grateful to Leta Greene for reminding me that I can do things. That my disabilities and special needs can be an asset and not a liability. People who put their minds to something can accomplish extraordinary things.
What excuses are you using in your life? What things are you saying “I can’t” to, when you really could, and should say “I CAN”?
I loved your post. I do believe we can do anything we set our minds to. Sometimes it might take a little longer and look a little different. It is something I believe with all of my heart.
It is something I say all of the time to my kids. Yet, it seems to bug them.
Any words of wisdom on how to convince another they are capable of much more than they think in spite of their illness.
I didn’t check, but I sure hope you linked up with Grace and Truth. I know my readers would love this post.
I don’t know if I’ve linked up with you or not. My linking up has been a bit sporadic lately since I started back to school. I’ll have to look you up.
As for advice, that’s tricky. I think they have to find a reason to want to do it. Because if that motivation isn’t there, it’s just not going to work.
I think it is so easy to make excuses when really we are scared of failing. Thanks for linking up with #globalblogging
Being scared of failing is a real thing. It takes guts to keep going in spite of being scared.
I’m glad I read your post, we can all do with being reminded of this, thank you! Whether disabled or not, there are many times we say “I can’t” when really we mean that we’re not sure how to. Love the lesson from you Grandpa xx #MixItUp
Thank you.
“…my disabilities and special needs can be an asset and not a liability” YESSSSSS, love this! I felt super inspired reading this – thank you!!!
thank you for sharing this with us at #TriumphantTales. I hope to see you back next week.
Oh good! I wrote this more for me than anyone. Hoping it would sink further into my psyche.
This is an interesting discussion. I know how hard caregiving is. Both with older people and children. And honestly, dealing with children who are disruptive and demanding is exhausting. I’m thinking of disabilities in terms of some of the greater works Jesus said we would do, healing will come we we decide not to accept being labeled but letting Him love us. He never gets tired.
Thanks for stopping by and reading. I am grateful for his love too.
I can always find an excuse. But never a reason. Great post, Calleen!
Thanks!
This is so valid. As a Disabled person myself, and a Mother of 2 I can relate very much to this post. I flip flop between “I can’t do x, y and z’ and concurring the world despite my profound impairments. Never being able to strike a happy medium and that’s frustrating! Feel free to check out my blog on parenting with a disability 👍 #MixItUp
Thanks! I’ll have to check it out. It’s a difficult situation, but it’s also pretty incredible what we can do in spite of our impairments.
Popping back from another linky #happynow@_karendennis
Thank you!
I really think this post is amazing. Our attitudes and mindsets set so much of what we can and cannot do — yet often times, we are limitless if we let ourselves be so. Thank you for this post. I will share all around! #globalblogging xoxo
Thank you for reading, commenting and sharing! Attitude determines a lot of our life. I think we don’t realize just how much.
I think it’s a fine line but I do think everyone holds themselves back more than they should. Good post.
Thank you. I’m trying to find that balance myself.
I am a disabled woman since suffering a stroke 12 years ago, I often see children having a good look at my wheelchair, their parents are often embarrassed when they do this, I honestly don’t mind at all, it’s how children learn about such things #mixituplinky@_karendennis
I agree. I saw something recently that instead of teaching your kids not to point or stare to teach them instead to say hello.
I pushed passed all of my limitz growing up. Any time someone said I would not be able to do something I did it simply because I hadn’t being told no and feeling that people looked at me and saw someone incapable. I am so glad I experienced some of the things I did. At the same time I will pay for pushing myself for the rest of my life. I am in so much pain now. On my MRIs you can clearly see progression of my issues and I have hopefully many decades left to live with all of these problems only getting worse. I throw up from the pain. I have had surgeries, years of physical therapy, tried yoga and all of the random “cures” people suggest, spent thousands and cost my partner job after job because I can no longer care for myself and employers are not understanding when you have to leave work repeatedly because your spouse fell again and needs to go to the ER or is so ill she has to have you stay home.
I said “I can” every time and maybe I should have said “I can’t” sometimes. Sometimes saying “I can’t” just means you are taking care of yourself and respecting the limits of your body. Now I live a half life, in more pain than I ever imagined, and have to listen to many people shame me for finally, finally saying “I can’t”. The only way I can rebuild my life is saying “I can’t” despite the fact that it hurts to see and hear the dissapointment and verbal abuse thrown my way for quiting/giving up/being lazy/making excuses/gaming the system or whatever else someone decides I must be.
I agree. Sometimes you have to say “I can’t.” And that’s why I say I should have cautiously done some things differently. I think there’s a fine balance between pushing yourself and not making excuses.
I pushed myself most of my life until my epilepsy almost killed me in a car accident. I will have seizures all of my life, but if I was a normal monkey; You must evolve. There are physical jobs that are dangerous for me. Just keep trying and planning before you do anything. Safety first. My Dad said to me “ You are just using your Disability as an Excuse.” I was not happy about the remark, but he will not every understand my life. I have fallen, seen a lot of blood, and there is nothing”yet” to cure my disability.
It’s a delicate balance that we walk trying to maximize our capabilities yet still be safe.
Love, love and love this! Thank you. It is everything that I believe.
Thank you. It was a good wake up call for me.