Friends Wanted: Why Are You My Friend?

At church, on Sunday I was sitting, listening to the speaker tell a story about a disabled person and their sibling. The sibling in the story said that their disabled sibling was their salvation. This made me stop, and I ‘m afraid I didn’t hear anything else that was said as I sat reflecting on this statement and relationships with our friends with disabilities.

Often, we hear feel-good stories about helping special needs people. You know the stories. They are the ones, where the Boy takes the Girl with Down-Syndrome to the Prom. Not because he’s interested in her, but so she can be included.

Everyone should be #included. #AnOrdinary Mom #Inclusion - Read more. . . Click To Tweet

But it sometimes seems that there is a small spark of dis-ingenuousness in this action. In the disability community, there is a term for these stories. They are called, “Inspirational Porn.”

You see, people with disabilities don’t want to be held up as an example of what someone did to make themselves feel good. They want to be included just like anyone else. They don’t want to be anyone’s project. People with disabilities don’t want to be anyone’s friend just because they have a disability. They want to have friends who will be our friends for the same ordinary reasons you want to have your friends like you. Because having a disability is just a part of us- Like I have blue eyes and you have brown.

But as I heard this declaration of a sibling to someone with special needs, I also wondered.

“What if they are our salvation?”

What if people who have disabilities are our reminder to stop. Slow down. Be kind. Remember that they are a person just like yourself? You could find yourself handicapped tomorrow. How would you like to be treated if you were? What if people with disabilities are our reminders that there are more important things to life than the rat race? What if they are the part of the key to our salvation by reminding us what life is all about.

I know that for myself, both with my own disabilities of anxiety and chronic back pain, and the disabilities of my son does that for me.

#Disabilities make me slow down. They make me #payattention to what is #trulyimportant in life. #AnOrdinaryMom - Read more. .. Click To Tweet

What I want people to take away from this post, is that the next time you interact with someone with disabilities or share a story about one- Think about your motivations. Would this help or hurt the person with disabilities? What is your motivation?

Take the time to get to know us. Be a true friend.

10 thoughts on “Friends Wanted: Why Are You My Friend?

  1. My daughter has a friend with cerebral palsy who we’ve had over for tea and playdate many times, and they go to Beavers together. I think it is hugely beneficial to children to see disability as just one aspect of a person and that it can affect any age. Thanks for linking up with #globalblogging

  2. Very thought provoking. I became disabled overnight and although a lot of my friends have been brilliant at not treating me any differently, I’ve also noticed friends and family have certain attitudes to disability that I’ve not been aware of before. I’m no stranger to disability as my 31 yr old son and 13 year old daughter also have disabilities that they were born with. My son has had friends in the past that have proven that they were only there to make themselves feel good. My daughter has been luckier as her friends have proven that they don’t think of her as different.
    My worst experiences have been of a friend turning on me because she claimed all I ever talked about was my disabilities (not true, but if that’s how she perceived it then I can’t argue) we are not friends any more. Another was my cousin, who has been more like a sister all my life. She took offence to me raising awareness of disability and told me it was attention seeking and I should be hiding it away not putting it in others faces. (I was promoting someones book on Down’s Syndrome.)

    1. I’m so sorry you have had these awful experiences. Unfortunately there are people out there who believe that we should be hidden away. Personally, I think exposing our experiences to the light makes it more normal and therefore more acceptable to be disabled.

  3. I rarely share my adult daughters story of her disability, but I will share her journey through the care system as I often feel it helps others with decision making #globalblogging

  4. You are so correct. Just recently I had a weird discussion/disagreement with a friend. For the first time; I realized the difference between the two of us (and oh holay, there is a huge gap) But as the story goes; we were discussing an action and or a movement that might be construed as destructive behavior. (I can’t really say; without it becoming a debate of sorts) But; I was explaining about how someone I knew with a disability found the movement funny and was attempting to correct the movement. My friend and their friends became very offended and said I needed to do more to stop said person from feeling that way. I asked them if they were offended by the person doing it; were they offended for the disabled community or did they think that my friend (who is very disabled) didn’t have the presence of mind to make up her own mind on what was thought to be humorous. As friends; we can be offended together, find humor together, be sad, mad and upset together. Just as long as we do it together.

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