An Ordinary Mom's Musings

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School has either begun or is getting ready to begin. With it comes the pressure to be perfect parents. We are told all the time that we are doing things wrong. That one way is superior to another. That we should be teaching our children this way or that way. Here are some examples of what I’m talking about.

Eating?

Should we be teaching them to eat like the French, where adult food and children’s food, is the same thing? Parents view it as an opportunity to teach their children about food. They supposedly never overindulge in their delicious pastries.

Parenting?

Or should we adopt the French approach to parenting, which is teaching children to entertain themselves? It couldn’t be more different from the current American culture of “Helicopter Parenting”.

Schooling?

What about schooling? The American Government has thrown millions of dollars at schools and we haven’t figured out how to raise our test scores yet. The Highest Ranked Scores are the countries of Finland and South Korea, whose pedagogy completely diverge.

The Finns wait to send their children to school until they are older, they believe children should have time to be a child and play in the outdoors. On the other side is South Korea with their “Tiger Moms”. They send their children to school at young ages and they spend very long days at school. What both countries have in common is that they place great value on education. Teachers are elevated in their society and respected.

But how does that help us decide what the best teaching method is and how best to educate our children? We don’t live in Finnland or South Korea.

Teaching Everything Else?

What about discipline? Spanking, no spanking? Trophies for all or just the ones who win?

What is the best way for my child to be happy? Giving them everything their heart desires? Teaching them to work and serve others?

What about music? Should my child be listening to Mozart every day from the moment of conception? This is supposed to make them smarter right?

Should my child try every sport? Should they be scheduled every minute of the day beyond school with sports?
What about healthcare? Should I give my child that vaccine? Is there a better doctor to answer my questions?

Healthcare is a loaded subject that covers so much in the parenting realm and parents tend to have some pretty strong ideas about what is right.

All these questions are whirling around in your head. You know what sounds right to you. But is it right for your child? How do you tell? Am I going to ruin my child for life?

The answer to all these questions?

The Answer

There is no one right answer. As seen in the example of the two very different school successes of the South Koreans and the Finns, they have two different systems but they both succeed. Both countries build strong academic students but the key seems to be that they both highly value the teachers and learning. So instead of fighting over who has the right answer about raising a child, and which philosophy is best, let’s take time to listen to each other, our thoughts and our feelings on the subject and we might just learn something from a different perspective.

None of us came with a parenting manual when we were born and neither did our kids. Our experiences with our own kids will turn on its head any preconceived philosophy that we may have had prior to having kids anyway. So let’s start by teaching them to be kind and decent people.