On The Other Side Of The Door

You stand screaming on the other side of my door. I sit on this side trying not to take in all the anger, sadness and frustration you are venting towards me.

I am on this side of the door- safe, quiet and trying to breathe. Yet my heart is on the other side of the door with you. Hurting. It’s hard to breathe with my heart breaking on the other side of the door with you.

Autism rages loud, all-consuming, battering at your spirit just as you batter at my door. But it batters at mine too, trying to pull us down into the abyss of this meltdown. An Autism meltdown for you, a questioning of my Motherhood, meltdown for me. Am I doing this right? Do I have the skills for this? Can I really do this? How do I help this child of mine that I love so desperately?

Neither of us has answers to the questions and frustrations we face at this moment. Neither of us knows how to keep wading through this.

Girl in a doorway crying

Yet despite your being on one side of the door and me, your Mother on the other side- Somehow despite everything, you rest secure in the knowledge that I will always be here for you. I am your safe person with whom you let everything out. The good, the bad, the frustration.

You know that I am ready to help you pick up the pieces from this latest storm. Waiting to wrap you in my arms. Knowing that healing comes for both of us from a warm embrace, a kind soothing word, calm after the storm.

You are on the other side of the door, I am on this side praying for the storm to pass. We will find our way through this. God will help us.

24 thoughts on “On The Other Side Of The Door

  1. It’s so good to know that God is with us in the difficult parenting moments. But they are still HARD. Probably most of us, even without autism in our families, understand the complete hopelessness about how to reach a frustrated, angry child. Blessings to you, Calleen.

  2. having worked with autistic children, that storm is real and all you do is batten down and hold, and then tidy up afterwards. Slowly learning and growth comes. Prayers holding with you. 🙂

  3. As a former teacher of kids on the autism spectrum, I applaud your patience and calm in a difficult situation. God’s blessings to you!

  4. You clearly love your child. My days of meltdowns with my daughter who is on the spectrum appear to be gone for now but once we know what the issue is and can be with them I think we are winning. You are a great mum – this post shows that! #GlobalBlogging

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