I appreciate the current social media campaigns that ask people to reach out if they are struggling with mental illness, depression or suicide. I appreciate the hotlines and the people reposting their numbers so they can be readily found.
Here’s the thing though. If you experience mental illness, reaching out is one of the most difficult things you could ask. I’m not saying to stop asking us to reach out. It is still something we need to work towards. But I am asking you to stop and consider just how difficult that is for us.
Mental illness involves your brain misfiring synapses and insufficient levels of necessary chemicals that make your brain function appropriately. It isn’t just that you had something sad happen to you, or something anxiety-ridden. It is a real and frustrating medical illness that although it may be invisible to your eyes, it is still very real.
“Our Brain lies to us.”
Because of all the misfiring and lack of chemical levels being where they should be, your brain lies to you. Frequently, constantly, your brain is telling you that things are never going to go right. You are worthless. Your mistake is too big and cannot be overcome. It tells you that you are ugly, fat and that you should do things that normally you wouldn’t even consider.
This is your brain telling you these things. You know that extremely efficient computer that lives in your body that has helped you figure out everything you know in life and your entire frame of reference for the world? That brain. Now you are supposed to not only ignore it but disbelieve what it’s telling you? How are you supposed to do that?
Because of these vicious lies, our brains keep telling us, reaching out to you is one of the hardest things for us. We aren’t just afraid of rejection. We know we will be rejected (again our brain lying). Why would we risk that? It’s already everything we could do to get out of bed that day. If we are really lucky, we are able to put on a facade that makes you think we are fine. If we are not lucky, well, you aren’t going to see us because we just can’t handle that facade or interacting with people for that moment or that day. Sometimes it stretches much longer.
Put yourself in our situation. You are bone weary. Because these mental illnesses drain your energy. You cannot manage to accomplish anything other than bare necessities. What qualifies as a necessity? It can go as low as going to the bathroom and maybe eat. If you are that low, do you want to talk to anyone? Do you want anyone to see you like this? You’re asking us to talk to someone and ask for help?
Instead, I offer a different plan of action. Instead, let’s all reach out to friends, acquaintances, loved ones, neighbors, and when we ask them, “How are you?” we really listen. We ask them, really meaning to find out the answer. Americans, in general, ask the question, ”How are you?” all the time. But when you ask, are you prepared to listen as we unburden our souls? Think about when you ask someone ”How are you?” Are you showing them with your body language that you sincerely want to know and care about them? Are you looking into their eyes and trying to read between the lines? This is what we need, and I’m betting you could use it too.
Even when a person doesn’t answer the door, doesn’t answer a phone call. We need to keep coming, keep calling, keep texting. Keep trying. Keep letting them know that they are important to you and that their life matters.
Because when you do, it may not seem like it, but we notice you reaching out. We appreciate it so very much. We need you to know that even though we might be incapable of reaching out and telling you what is going on, your reaching out is a lifeline for us.
So keep holding out the lifeline. Keep checking in. Be a friend. Be a savior.
Thanks for featuring me!
I think you’re so right. So many people ask ‘how are you?’ and honestly? They don’t give a rats arse. But really listening to people and wanting to listen can really make a difference. It’s all to easy to shrug off and think ‘nobody cares about my problems’ when they ask how you are. I think it’s really useful to have at least one person that you feel comfortable to just spew out all of your problems to. Someone that will listen and not judge. Thanks for linking this up with #fortheloveofBLOG x
Thank you. I agree completely.
Hi Calleen.
Thank you for your bravery and for speaking out for those who fear sharing their struggle. May we, as believers, reach out in love and mean it when we ask, “How are you?”
Blessings,
Tammy
Thank you, and thanks for stopping by and reading.
This is so good! I think part of making our “How are you” more effective is also to meet up with people on a somewhat regular basis. It’s a lot easier to have those conversations when you’ve set aside time rather than in passing at the grocery store or a party with friends. Thanks for sharing!
Thanks for reading! I really appreciate it.
Calleen,
I am so inspired by what you are doing here to raise awareness. Your words are go straight to the heart and serve as a reminder to not just expect those struggling to reach out. We need to keep reaching out when we suspect something, rather than worrying if we are being annoying. Thank you so much for sharing hope at #MomentsofHope! Your presence here is a beautiful and inspiring contribution♥
Blessings and smiles,
Lori
Why thank you SO much. I really appreciate it.
I love your conclusion: we keep reaching out to prove our love and interest in that person, even if that person doesn’t have the wherewithal to respond on any given day. Kind of like: His compassions are new every morning.
I think it’s a good thing to teach our kids and grow as a people towards. Just keep checking in with them. Just keep saying hi.
Reaching out is very difficult. I struggle with this a lot.
And that is why I wrote this. I think the campaign to help people needs to go further than posting suicide hotlines and saying reach out because that is the one thing that is almost impossible for us.
Thing is, not everyone who is mentally ill, realizes it. When this happens, they are not likely to ask for help or even know they need help. My grandmother was mentally ill but she didn’t hurt herself or anyone. She just lived her life quietly happy with her delusions but never hurt anyone.
That’s a very good point. People with psychosis will often not know anything is wrong with them.
The church needs education and inspiration for dealing effectively with mental illness.
I wholeheartedly agree. But I think that that education starts with being open about our experiences so that they realize it is a problem.
Yes, very well written & advised Calleen. Awareness & understanding is so important.
It is difficult for those of us with chronic health issues, which also affect mental cognition, chemicals & health, as I posted in “Listening”…
You’re most welcome to drop by for a cup of inspiration anytime,
Jennifer
Thanks, Jennifer. I also have experience with chronic health issues. All of it is no fun.
This is beautifully transparent and practical for others to genuinely help those who need it. I hate to say that I sometimes say “how are you?” as a greeting verses a real question to get to know what’s going on in someone’s heart. Your suggestion makes me want to change that and be prepared or at least willing to accept the real answer and be a friend. Normally I’m in conversations while also darting my eyes back and forth to my two young children. Thank you for talking about this and giving people ways to help. And thanks for sharing with us at #LiveLifeWell.
Thank you. It’s something I feel pretty strongly about and have really felt impressed that now was the time to start talking and opening up about it.
Reaching out certainly isnt easy #thatfridaylinky
Thank you for reading.