I’ve been in the middle of a slew of IEP meetings for my son and school just started. Four within the last month and we may not be done still.
I knew that we had to make a change. He spent most of last year either refusing to go to school or refusing to do anything once he was there. When you are only 12 years old, there’s more learning you need to do. Going before a judge because my child is truant is not on my bucket list. He’s big enough now that I can’t make him physically go to school.
I’ve been advocating and asked for our first IEP meeting before the school year started. The IEP team collectively agreed that we had to change something. The question was what needed to be changed?
For my son, it isn’t just Autism or ADHD, there are lots of diagnoses that affect his ability to do well in school; his desire to go to school.
In preparation for this meeting, this summer I spent some time touring alternative schools. The state contracts with several private schools for this purpose. I felt I needed to have an idea of what was out there and what my options were. I wanted to get a better idea of what might work for our son.
As we sat in our third IEP meeting, everyone at the table was given the chance to express their thoughts on what our son needed and how he could be best served.
I expressed that I have two goals for him this year.
1- He will go to school almost every day.
2- He will engage with learning again.
That’s it. I have no expectation of how much progress he will make on his learning goals this year. There is no thought of him becoming Einstein in my brain. I just want him to want to go to school and enjoy it. I know that if he does, the learning will happen.
Each professional from the school district took their turn expressing their thoughts. They all mentioned something over and over again. “This school is structured on building a community. He doesn’t fit into our community.”
I have appreciated each and every school district professional as they helped us through the difficult year we had. They did try to help him and showed compassion and great care for him.
I was advocating for a change, most likely in his placement.
But still, those words burned into me. “He doesn’t fit into our community.” Those words are daggers to a Mother’s heart. All the staff agreed with this statement. As a team, we unanimously agreed to change his school placement. I had won, but I walked out of school heavy-hearted.
This knowledge burned in my soul.
People felt there were places in this world that my son didn’t belong.
Thursday’s are dedicated to posts on anything to do with Special Needs. The reason why is precisely this- I believe that everyone should have the opportunity to belong. It shouldn’t matter what their disability or illness. Our communities should learn compassion and inclusion. We need to expand our definitions of a community to include others who aren’t just like us.
Until then, I will keep writing. I will keep-
What kind of community rejects kids for “not fitting in”? No wonder your son didn’t want to go to school. A school community should be accommodating enough to help all children to be a part of the community. I hope he is much happier in his new school. #globalblogging
Thank you! The new school is a work in progress but he does seem much happier.
Truly shocking that a school can get away with saying such a thing. I saw on another comment that he has been accepted into another school, I really hope he starts to enjoy going to school and learning again soon. Thanks for sharing with #TriumphantTales.
Thank you. I hope so too.
There is something seriously wrong with schools that say a child does not fit in with their community. I can feel the pain and the heartbreak you are going through as a mom! I’d be no different either. Schools definitely need to be more compassionate to everyone. I’m glad you are refusing to take things as they are and setting these two key goals for your boy for the coming year. My best wishes for you —I hope and pray you find alternative schools that work for your boy to motivate him to enjoy learning in the coming days.
Thank you. We just had him accepted at a private school for kids with learning disabilities at the school district’s expense.
you mean like when schools tell lgbtq kids they don’t belong?
Perhaps. I haven’t encountered that.
Oh, I feel for you. IEP’s, while helpful and necessary, have broken my heart more than once. Press on sweet Mama! He will always remember that you were in his corner. Saying a prayer for you. laurensparks.net
Thank you. I really appreciate it.
That is so awful – they worded their statement horribly and they should be ashamed. Your child belongs in the community and it’s terrible they said otherwise. While that school may have not been the best setting for him, they made it seem like his fault with their shitty statement. It’s never his fault! #GlobalBlogging
Your comment somehow made it into the trash rather than where it was supposed to go. I’m glad I found it. Thank you.
This must have been so difficult for you to hear. I am so sorry. But I hope that it can be the start of a new chapter where your son can thrive in a new setting #blogcrush
I hope so too. He started a trial period at a new school this week and so far it seems to be going well.
That is a sad thought to think that a school would give up on a child and say that he does not fit. I was lucky and had a principal step up to help my son when he decided to not cooperate going to school or participating. This man set up a reward system, a mentor system and really helped my son get through his time at the school.
That’s wonderful! My son started a trial period this week at a new school and so far it seems to be going well.🤞🏼🤞🏼
Good for you! It sounds like their community needs some redefining. I hope you find the right listening ears soon!
I agree. They are really going to miss out as a community if this is how they feel.
It’s unfortunate that a few people can say such things unkind. Definitely, we should learn to be kind and compassionate.
Thank you.
my youngest daughter didn’t fit into their community either. Translation…she didn’t fit into the box that they wanted each child to operate in. I absolutely hated IEP meetings because they ultimately became gripe sessions for her teachers and nothing productive came out of them. They would not test her, so her father and I split the cost of the $600 2 long day testing. That testing said that she did have learning disabilities and recommended several things. They wouldn’t do any of them! At one meeting, I stopped everyone and asked her teacher if she could please say one positive thing about my child. She looked at me and said that she could not!!!! I told her very quickly that she was in the wrong profession and demanded that she be moved to a different class. They would not do it. So, we pulled her out of school and did homeschooling. It worked much better for her.
Sorry to write a book, this post just touched a place in my heart. You are not the only one to fight for your child…you are not alone in your journey. My daughter is grown and doing very well, so it does get better!
#TriumphantTales
I have been in those IEP meetings where they won’t do anything. They said my son didn’t have “educational autism” when I provided them with the outside testing we had done.
He started a new private school yesterday and I’m hoping things continue to go well.
Holy Cow, I am a Special Education teacher and I think that there is something wrong with that district. Every child deserves to be there and to be educated. What kind of community they are trying to build. Wow. In my two decade career I have tried to make every kid no matter what his/her disability was to feel welcome. When I worked at a state school, my class was called by the administration “The Island of the Lost Toys” because I always had the most difficult and so-called low functioning kids but you what we had a great time and the kids developed a sense of community among themselves. That was what I was looking for.
The two goals that you listed for him are perfect. It is a step in the right direction. Sorry that you have to go through this.
Thank you. I agree. He started school at a private school yesterday at the District’s expense. I’m hoping it will go well and that he will find his home there. They have tons of things that he enjoys like archery, fencing, 3-D printing and a lot more which I hope will help motivate him to work on the less fun things like math.
What a painful sentence for any mother to hear! Where was their compassion? Your son is blessed to have you on his side.
Thank you. It took me about a week or so to calm down. We are moving on.
Really interesting post Thank you for linking to #Thatfridaylinky please come back next week
Thanks for reading.