In an era of social media, personal smartphones, tablets, and computers, our children believe they need their own personal devices at ever earlier ages.
My daughter is 11 and feels she should have not just her own cell phone, but a smartphone. Specifically an iPhone. It is a constant refrain.
Recently in her 5th-grade class, her teacher asked who had a smartphone. My daughter and one other girl were the only students of 44 who did not. The other girl didn’t have a smartphone because she had broken hers and her parents wouldn’t get her a new one.
Sometimes my children ask and badger so much that I start wondering if I’m just being a bad Mom. Times have changed since I was a kid. Maybe this is something I’m being too strict on?
But that’s just it. Times have changed. In a world where pornography, a huge increase in sex trafficking, cyberbullying, and SO much more, we need to stand firm. It is our responsibility to keep our children safe, and as their parents, we get to decide how to keep them safe.
From a practical standpoint, I won’t be giving my daughter an iPhone any time soon. She’s almost 11, and can’t keep track of her belongings as it is. Why would I give her an expensive phone to lose? As we no longer have a landline, we do have a flip phone (which she despises) for our children’s use. I have blocked the internet and they are allowed to text and call on it. We check in from time to time to make sure the texts being sent are appropriate. We don’t want our children to be cyberbullies after all.
Our daughter’s going somewhere and we don’t know when she needs to be picked up? That’s okay. She can take the flip phone. Having not been the most popular child or having had the most fashionable wardrobe in my childhood/teenage years, I don’t mind passing on those lessons to my children.
At the age of my children, I don’t feel they can appropriately gauge what should be posted on the Internet yet. Cyberbullying is growing increasingly more common. I experienced the regular run of the mill bullying. I can’t imagine what it’s like today. Why would I want to give the bullies more ammunition to use against my sweet girl?
My daughter is beautiful. There I said it. I have heard comments on her beauty her whole life. She could be on TV or modeling. Knowing this, knowing child pornography, and sex trafficking are exploding industries, I am going to do my damnedest to keep her out of it and protect her.
Parents out there, I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know. But what I do want to achieve from this post is to tell you to remain strong. Don’t give in until you feel your child is ready to handle these things appropriately. (And then maybe wait 10 more years!) Spend the time until they are ready working on teaching them about the things that are out there and how their online presence can negatively impact them.
So join me in being one of “The Meanest Parents Ever,” and keep your children safe, happy, and emotionally whole.
Thanks for joining us at #TriumphantTales
I always find it unnerving when young kids have cell phones. I can see a child phone, which allows them to call a preset telephone number for emergencies, but not an adult phone with full internet capabilities – that always worries me. #GlobalBlogging
Me too. Thanks for reading!
I completely agree with you. I don’t mind being the mean-mom. I’m particularly mean when it comes to play-dates at friends houses where I don’t know the parents, or where they live.
#globalblogging
That makes me uneasy as well. Thanks for stopping by and reading!
Great post! Thanks for sharing at TFT!
Thanks for stopping by and reading it.
I have already told my youngest that she will be getting a dumb phone in year 7 and she doesn’t need a phone in primary. For me it’s more because I just don’t think a child should get effectively, a thousand dollar toy. My eldest lost her phone three times (left it on the bus – don’t ask) and it found it’s way back to the depot each time (people feel sorry for the sad loser kid with an old phone – ha!) I also don’t think we need to give them any more distraction in class. By year 8 they get the iphone for one reason or another but I am still sticking to the dumb phone and no phone for as long as I can! #Triumphanttales
I completely agree.
You’ve just got to do what feels right for you and stuff everyone else! So go you. X #twinklytuesday
Thank you. I agree.
I was a Mom & Dad to 4 kids… 2 girls/2 Boys and my kids knew the way it was! If I said it was this way… it definitely was. I didn’t ask for respect I demanded it and why because I earned it threefold, but I never had to demand anything it was always given to me willingly! My kids and I had an understanding like I told them what would cost $5 today could cost $500 tomorrow, so if you broke a window tell me now & will work it out. Tell me tomorrow & we’ll work it out the hard way!!! I love my kids and they love & respect me. Always did! Always will!
Respect I think is an important key in the parent child relationship and it goes both ways. Thanks for stopping by!
I think its each to their own. we all know what we want for our children and have our reasons
That is probably true. This is what I feel is right for my daughter.
I won’t let my little girls have their own phone until they’re more independent, going to clubs or walking to the corner shop alone and even then they’ll have tight parental controls on them. For emergencies only will MEAN for emergencies only. #GlobalBlogging
I let her text her friends on the flip phone she and her brother share, but her Father would prefer that it only be for emergencies. He doesn’t want to deal with the texting drama. Which I can’t really blame him for.
I can see this from both sides. Obviously you want to keep your daughter safe and the internet can be a scary place even for adults at times. But I can imagine it’s difficult for her being the odd one out, especially when she can’t join in with group chats etc with her friends.
Debbie #mixitup
You make a valid point. And I think the time will come when she can, just not yet.
Back again, with a vist from #globalblogging. Love this!
Thank you!
It’s so much pressure on our kids these days. Times sure have changed and as parents we’re constantly wondering if we’re making the right decisions for our 11 and 13-yr old. Through prayer and advice of spiritual mentors, we’re becoming more confident in our parenting — thank God.
Parenting is hard. I didn’t expect it to be quite so hard. I’m so glad you have found people to help you become more confident in your parenting.
Calleen, I agree 100% with you. As I said in my comment before, my 11 year old has an old smartphone without a sim card. Of course, he has asked(begged, pleaded), for his own working smartphone, but our rule is 13 years old. I have to say boo to the teacher that asked the class the question about who had their own smartphone. That definitely singles out the ones who don’t and makes them feel awful. Not a good idea.
I hadn’t thought of it that way. The teacher had a flip phone too. But your right it would single her out and at that age, that is the last thing you want.
So hard knowing when the right time is. We’ll done for staying strong x
#thatfridaylinky
Thank you.
Maybe for 7th grade, and not a day before. I can’t imagine giving our almost 11 year old, or 8 year old a phone, let alone a smart phone/iphone. Who could afford this? And what am I doing wrong? Oh, I will be mean right along side you any day of the week! Great post! #thatfridaylinky xoxo
Thank you! I definitely don’t believe 11 is a good age for that much freedom with the internet.
Yep, every child in school that I know has one, and I find that ridiculous, especially in grade school. Yet another reason why we homeschool. These parents are setting their kids up to be victims in several ways, such as you described. I think the parents are giving in, not wanting their children to be “left out,” when they should be banding together. I wonder why the teacher asked. I also know several parents who like to track their highschool kids and how much they use their phone. But an iphone? Ridiculous. We need many more mean parents!
Thank you. That’s the way I feel as well.
Yes! My 8 year old home schooled daughter asks for a phone sometimes! Good grief! Don’t give in. They’ll be much better for it.
I agree. That’s my plan.