An Ordinary Mom's Musings

If your spouse is in the military, law enforcement, or dealing with a potentially deadly illness, you have played the “What do I do if my spouse dies game?” You may have played it anyway if you are the type of person like me who wants to have a plan for every contingency.

I say “game,” but it’s not a game you ever want to play. But this is the reality of life for people in these situations.

When my husband was deployed to a war zone, I met another spouse whose husband was also at war. She said when she can’t sleep, she figures out how she is going to spend her husband’s life insurance. She plans out his funeral. As he is double insured, she had lots of money to figure out how to spend. For his funeral? She planned on getting Clay Aiken to sing because her husband couldn’t stand his singing. She thought it might be enough to make him rise from the dead if she did that.

Those of us who find ourselves in situations of life where our spouse could die, find that there are necessary conversations that must be had. There are contingency plans that must be made, that while others might make them, for us, the reality is that the chances are much higher we might have to enact that plan.

If your spouse dies, will you stay where you are? Move closer to the family? Change jobs or go back to work? How will childcare be handled? How will we handle life? These are the thoughts that run through our brains in the middle of the night. This is a fact of life for us.

There are unexpected benefits.

1- If it happens? We have a plan. Not everyone has one.

2- We highly value the time we do get with our spouse because we know that any day, things could change.

So here’s to all the other spouses and families out there playing the “What Do I Do If?” game. May you never need to use it.