After dealing with 3 admissions to the Psychiatric Ward with a loved one, we’ve come to understand that we can’t do it all alone. We can no longer carry this burden without help. The first admission we only told a couple of people who needed to know. The second time a few years later was much the same. The third time we had to let go of the fear, shame, and hurt and talk about it.
Our family member is in a Psychiatric Ward. How do you tell people that? Do you tell people that? What do you say? Words to explain it don’t come easily even once they are found.
There is a HUGE stigma around mental health across America. You worry if you say anything that you could jeopardize their future chances in life, jobs, relationships, schools, finding their way… The last thing you want to do is make their life any harder than they already find it.
The truth is though, if your child was in the hospital with cancer, there would be meals brought in, offers of help, shoulders to cry on. If your loved one needed an organ donation there would be friends and family rallying around you trying to find a donor match, if allowed, family and friends would visit the hospital. If your child broke a leg, you’d be telling the story of how it happened to everyone. Soon the pain of it fades and it becomes a story that’s funny.
All of this is different when you are talking about a loved one in a Psych Ward. You feel shame that they are in such a place as a Psych Ward, even though you and they have nothing to be ashamed of. You feel that this is something you should hide. If you do share it with a few people they aren’t sure what to do with that information. People are afraid of this Ward of the hospital whether they acknowledge it or not. There are no visits from friends at the hospital, in spite of it being allowed. This is not a place they feel comfortable visiting, so they don’t. Hollywood isn’t helping the perception of what these Wards are like either.
Because you feel you have to keep this information close, dinners, shoulders to cry on, and help often don’t come for the families dealing with this. You feel you have failed, and in that failure, you feel so very alone.
This family member could pull out of these issues and do just fine in the future because the future is unknown. But until then, we die a little as we feel so helpless because they are beyond our help, and we should be able to help them, we think. We feel we have failed them and don’t know what to do, what steps to take next, where to find help for them and ourselves. The truth is that often the medical profession isn’t very good at disseminating this kind of information, so they employ family liaisons to do it for them, but the information you receive still depends on how well the family liaisons know their job. Usually, there is still a lot of misinformation, searching in the dark and lots of banging your head against brick walls that seem to come from out of nowhere. You just want to get your loved one help. Why is it SO unbelievably difficult?
After 3 stays in the Psych Ward for our loved one… We know that we have to let people in. We have to share our broken-heartedness. We have to ask for help because people are willing, they just don’t know how. We have to take time for ourselves and not feel guilty about it. Our loved one is in a safe place and is being taken care of. It’s time (and likely overdue), to take care of you. But above all, we need to keep the hope and love alive that we have for our loved one because all of us need that.
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Hugs to you Callen and pat on back to bare it all. You definitely are a brave heart! Your loved one is being taken care of and is in the safest hands, itself is positive step towards the better future.
More power to you.
Thank you.
“We know that we have to let people in. We have to share our broken-heartedness. We have to ask for help because people are willing, they just don’t know how.” Thank you for your vulnerability and honesty in sharing this beautiful post. I am blessed – we all have broken hearts and broken places – and need the care and grace and help of others.
Thanks for stopping in and reading my words. You’re right. We are all broken in some way.
I don’t know if you remember this but in June my post “I’m a College Educated Middle Class Woman; PPA Landed Me in the Psych Ward” was posted on Her View. It took me over three years to even write about my four night stay. Thanks to my MIL I didn’t have the choice about telling people because she told our entire church. If I had my druthers, I’d never have told a soul. But it was cathartic to get it out there and you’re right, people want to help. I think, I hope, the stigma is lessening.
Oh how I know the feeling of never wanting to tell a soul!
But I’m hoping with posts like yours and like mine we can help bring about a change in the way it is viewed.
I never think to submit these types of pieces to Her View From Home and then when I see them publish ones about mental health and special needs I think, remember that next time you send out for submissions.
This must be really difficult for you, there shouldn’t be a stigma attached but sometimes people just aren’t very understanding. I hope by being open about the difficulties the family faces, you all receive the support you need. Thanks for sharing and linking up #twinklytuesday
Thank you for stopping by and reading.
This must be really hard. My sister spent three months in a psychiatric ward. She is out now and finally off the anti-depressants. At the moment she is in a good place. I did actually tell a lot of people about my sister. I didn’t really see the point in keeping it a secret. My sister doesn’t either. Courage! Pen x #bestfootforward
Thanks for reading. Good for you and your sister.
I really understand the feelings you are going through here – many years ago my ex was hospitalised with a mental health issue and it was so hard to know how to talk about it. Honesty is definitely the best policy – and you need support and understanding too.
Thanks for sharing with #coolmumclub
Thank you for stopping by
I’d never really given any thought to how differently these hospital stays would be treated but you are right, they are, even though they shouldn’t be. I hope you have found the support you need by telling people and I hope the latest stay has helped your loved one feel better. Hugs to you all. #CoolMumClub
Thank you. That is the whole purpose for this blog post, to make people think.
I love how you tackle the hard stuff, Calleen! Awesome job. Praying for your family!
Thanks for linking up @LiveLifeWell!
Blessings,
Amy
Thank you for stopping in again and reading.
Writing is such a healer for process thoughts and seeing the next step to be taken. I expect this blog post has helped you to step into that place of opening up and seeking support. Tough time for you all especially your loved one. In the UK there’s been a lot of work done by our local Mental Health Trust to break down the stigma around Mental Health and social media is great for sharing stories and people finding support when they don’t feel able to be honest with friends and loved ones. All the best to you all x
#BestBootForward
I agree. That is one of the reasons why I blog. Thanks for stopping by and reading my words.
Bravo for being so honest, speaking out because this is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. Like you say, I long for the day when mental health is seen in the same hue as physical health. Don’t forget though, it wasn’t so long ago that things like cancer were treated as a taboo, so I am confident we will get there in the end – especially thanks to people like you who aren’t afraid to stand up and say so, build awareness and break the stigma. Thanks for linking up with #BestBootForward
Thank you for your kind words and for stopping by and reading.
Beautiful honest and emotional post. Thinking of you and your loved ones #BestBootForward
Thank you for your kind words and for stopping by and reading.
Evil people do need to be locked away, but depressed and oppressed people need prayer, and sometimes medication and hospitalization. I will certainly pray for you. There are many resources on my Hope For the Hurting board on Pinterest.
Thank you.
You are doing something to dispell the misunderstandings about mental health issues by writing this post. Thank you for your courage and honesty!
Thank you for stopping by and reading I really appreciate it.
It affects more people than you would think. A better system needs to be in place to help. Thanks for sharing your story. #twinklytuesday
Thanks for reading.
Calleen, you wrote this so well and so honestly. You are so right in that being in a mental hospital is treated vastly differently from a regular hospital or a cancer treatment center or even a nursing home (although that can run just behind yet have some of the same effects. My Mama lived in one for five years and I saw similar effects with her there.). The truth of this matter is that the stigma has run so long and so deep that changing that will take a long time and many to begin as you are doing here. Mental hospitals are like all hospitals in that that are there to heal…in one way or another. But the perception is more on the negative views we have received from “Hollywood” or the media or reports of abuse or even the way we perceive the individual patients. Some may be schizophrenic or bipolar or have another severe mental illness that has been portrayed as evil or such in the news or movies and we just carry that image with us. Truly, it is hard and sad. I am so sorry for your loved one and for you and your family. I am also grateful that you have spoken out here. It takes one and then another and then more. We must not be afraid of this because your loved one and so many others need the help they can receive in a mental hospital.
The LORD is near to the brokenhearted
and saves the crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18
The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to bring good news to the poor;
he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim liberty to the captives,
and the opening of the prison to those who are bound;
to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor,
and the day of vengeance of our God;
to comfort all who mourn;
to grant to those who mourn in Zion—
to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness instead of mourning,
the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit;
that they may be called oaks of righteousness,
the planting of the LORD, that he may be glorified. Isaiah 61:1-3
Father, I lift Calleen and her family up to You. You heal the brokenhearted and save those with a crushed spirit. Grant peace and calm over this family. I pray Your peace reigns in their hearts. Rain Your mercy and Your love over each one. In Your Son’s Holy Name, I pray. Amen.
What a beautiful, kind, caring and thoughtful reply to my post. Thank you so much.
so very true. keep waving the non-stigma banner – sorely needed.
Thanks for reading.