Brought to you by the children of “An Ordinary Mom”.
Month: March 2018
Evil Stepmother Wanted: Make Me Clean My Bathrooms
“When I was young I used to imagine that I was Cinderella and my awful Step-Mother was demanding that I clean the bathrooms. Somehow that helped and I didn’t mind it as much, probably because I was living out a fantasy in my head which I’ve always loved to do.”
Friday Memes
Brought to you by the children of “An Ordinary Mom”.
Marigolds and Memories
Last summer, I was watering my neighbor’s plants. I discovered they had planted a bunch of Marigolds. I was thinking, they must really want a Marigold bed because they reseed themselves every year. I know this because of memories from my childhood.
When I was a child my parents ran the family business of small motel in Southern UT. My Grandfather had built it, and when they retired my parents took over running it. In the front, there was a flower box built into the cement and every year it would be overflowing with Marigolds.
My Grandmother LOVED Marigolds. My mother, however, did not. While Marigolds are bright and cheery, they don’t smell very well. For years my mother put up with them in spite of hating them and their smell until finally she pulled them all up one year and planted other flowers.
While it is a little memory, it’s something that sticks out in my memory bank when I run across Marigolds. And while it’s not a particularly special memory, it made me sad to think my youngest siblings (I’m the oldest of 11) would never know how much Grandma loved Marigolds or what a bane they were to my mother.
Memories, stories, and families are important. They are the touchstones to those who came before us. They provide clues as to who we are and why we are.
Last Christmas my Mother in Law gave me a hummingbird bracelet and necklace. I’m sure she thought they were pretty. When I opened my present and saw them, I thought immediately of this same Grandma. She LOVED her hummingbirds. There were always several feeders with its red nectar hanging in her yard so she could watch them.
These are the stories I will tell my children. They met my Grandma once but they will likely never remember it as they were so young. All my children will have of her is my memories. Memories that I will pass on and hope that they help her come alive for them.
Originally published December 20th on Parent Co.
When Discipline Goes Wrong (Or Unexpectedly Right)
My 5-year-old daughter’s room was a mess, like, can’t even get through the door mess. It didn’t matter how many times I cleaned it. It would always look like a tornado had hit 5 minutes later. Her habit of changing clothes 5 times a day since she was 18 months old didn’t help either.
I had been trying all day to get her to help me clean her room. She would do what probably happens at your house too- Pick up one toy, start playing with it and forget that she was supposed to be helping. Or I would find a toy under all the mess that she hadn’t seen in a while and it would be like Christmas morning all over again. She was SO excited. I was SO frustrated.
In exasperation, I climbed the stairs, got a trash bag and headed back down the stairs.
”If you aren’t going to help pick up your room I shouted in frustration, I will pack up all these toys and give them to a child who doesn’t have any toys. There are a lot of children who don’t have any toys or a place to live.” I then followed with my generation’s version of “There are children starving in Africa”.
Furiously, I started throwing one toy after another into the bag. When I was done I walked over to where she was still playing.
“See these toys”, I said. “These are going to kids who don’t have any toys. You have too many because you won’t pick them up.”
She looked up at me with her cherubic face and wide eyes, picked up a few more toys and came over and handed them to me. “Here are some more toys”, she said. “The kids without any toys will need these too.”
I stood there speechless.
I was trying to punish my daughter and teach her an important lesson about being responsible and taking care of your things. She didn’t learn that lesson that day. Instead, she taught me that we should always share with others less fortunate. Things don’t really matter. That there are more important things in life than a clean room.
She is now 10, and occasionally her room is tornado free. She didn’t learn the lesson that I wanted her to that day but she is slowly learning it. As I reflect on the lessons of that day, I’m more inclined to believe there is a chance that she won’t ignore everything I am trying to teach her (though it certainly looks like it at times). Often learning needs to take place at their own time, space and place. In ways, we don’t always comprehend and cannot manufacture.
Friday Memes
Brought to you by the children of “An Ordinary Mom”.
Finding My Way Through Motherhood
Today was a day I had to remove myself.
My son decided to take his sweet time getting ready for school this morning. This meant cajoling, bribing, threatening and any other maneuver I could think of to get him out the door. I dropped him off 10 mins after the bell because he just couldn’t get it together this morning. Then when we pulled up and I opened the van door, a snail couldn’t have gotten out of the van any slower than he did. I teetered on the edge of completely losing it and becoming a screaming maniac in the parking lot.
I held it together long enough for him get out and shut the door and I drove away without looking back. And I didn’t want to see him again until the end of the school day. I was seeing RED.
Today I had to remove myself by shutting down my “Mom” side for the hours my children were at school and focus on the “Calleen” side of me or I wasn’t going to be any good for them, me, or anyone else.
Did I feel guilty for feeling like this? Absolutely! But more importantly, I understood that it was okay to feel this way as long as I wasn’t taking it out on anyone and I was actively taking the necessary steps to change the way I wanted to react. My son can’t help that sometimes the Autism, ADHD, and just being a kid get in the way of him doing what he wants and needs to do. There are times when that not only threatens to but does overwhelm me (and him!). I am human.
So days like today I have to let everything go and concentrate on what will bring me joy. Spending time walking along the beach, reading a book, baking, playing the piano… What will help me calm down so I can be my best self for my children and husband? That is what I need to be concentrating on. School gets out in a few hours and I need to be ready.
