“Before my Husband and I had children we probably should have taken our genetics into consideration.” Read more. . .
Month: February 2019
The Meanest Mom Who Won’t Give Her Daughter A Smartphone
“Sometimes my children ask and badger so much that I start wondering if I’m just being a bad Mom. Times have changed since I was a kid.
But that’s just it. Times have changed. In a world where pornography, a huge increase in sex trafficking, cyber bullying, and SO much more is out there, we need to stand firm. It is our responsibility to keep our children safe, and as their parent, you get to decide what that is.” Read more. . .
Teaching The Social Skill Of Personal Space
“Our children and loved ones have disabilities. But it doesn’t mean that they can’t learn. It doesn’t mean that they shouldn’t be held to basic societal standards.”
The “What Do I Do If” Game
If your spouse is in the military, law enforcement, or dealing with a potentially deadly illness, you have played the “What do I do if my spouse dies game?” You may have played it anyway if you are the type of person like me who wants to have a plan for every contingency.
I say “game,” but it’s not a game you ever want to play. But this is the reality of life for people in these situations.
When my husband was deployed to a war zone, I met another spouse whose husband was also at war. She said when she can’t sleep, she figures out how she is going to spend her husband’s life insurance. She plans out his funeral. As he is double insured, she had lots of money to figure out how to spend. For his funeral? She planned on getting Clay Aiken to sing because her husband couldn’t stand his singing. She thought it might be enough to make him rise from the dead if she did that.
Those of us who find ourselves in situations of life where our spouse could die, find that there are necessary conversations that must be had. There are contingency plans that must be made, that while others might make them, for us, the reality is that the chances are much higher we might have to enact that plan.
If your spouse dies, will you stay where you are? Move closer to the family? Change jobs or go back to work? How will childcare be handled? How will we handle life? These are the thoughts that run through our brains in the middle of the night. This is a fact of life for us.
There are unexpected benefits.
1- If it happens? We have a plan. Not everyone has one.
2- We highly value the time we do get with our spouse because we know that any day, things could change.
So here’s to all the other spouses and families out there playing the “What Do I Do If?” game. May you never need to use it.
How To Tell The Difference: Service or Emotional Support Dog
A while ago, I spent time at the Children’s hospital with my son’s service dog (Charlie) and some of the children/teenagers there.
I sat down amongst them with Charlie. First, the smaller kids came over and started loving on him. It was heaven for Charlie because touch is a major love language for him.
The “cool” teenagers started wandering over to check him out. Even the most sullen teenagers made their way over and started loving on Charlie. The change in their demeanor was remarkable. Charlie lives with us. I see the changes he has made in our lives. Often though, I forget how a little time with an animal can turn things around.
My Son took his service dog with him to school previously. Due to his difficulties, he’s been unable to take him with him for the past year. Charlie has been spending the school day with me instead.
I deal with anxiety and sometimes depression. Charlie has been sensing that my anxiety levels have been high. So he has spent a lot of time by my side. I’ve been impressed all over again just how much a difference he can make. Being able to rub his silky soft ears brings my anxiety levels down several levels. When things get really bad, he lays on top of me to provide deep pressure to calm me down.
Charlie is a trained service dog and as such is protected by a Federal Law called Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA). He is trained to perform various services for my son whom he works for. Because of this, he is allowed to go anywhere my son goes unless it is somewhere like an operating theatre that has to be sterile.
The way in which I was utilizing Charlie on that particular day, was as an Emotional Support Dog for the other children.
Emotional Support Animals do not have the same privileges under the law as a Service Dog. Emotional Support Dogs (or other animals) are not trained to perform specific tasks like a Service Dog. Instead, they are there to provide emotional support as in this instance.
One of the few protections by law that an Emotional Support Dog has is in the realm of housing and traveling. If you have an Emotional Support Animal and you are renting a house or an apartment, landlords are required to not discriminate against you and allow you to have your Emotional Support Animal in your home even if the property doesn’t allow animals. Airlines are required to allow you to have your Emotional Support Animal on board the flight in the cabin with you. Both Emotional Support Animals and Service Dogs require a Doctor’s prescription to make them legal.
The Hunger Games and Sports: It Was A Mom Fail
My daughter came home from school one day and said, “Mom, today we played “Hunger Games” and I didn’t know how to play it so I lost.”
Mom Fail. . .
Are You Using Your Disability As An Excuse?
Recently I was interviewing Leta Greene, regarding a project I am currently working on. Some of you might remember I reviewed her latest book “Love, Me Too: Finding a Happy and Fulfilling Life After Sexual Abuse”. During the course of my conversation with her, we touched on something that I needed to be reminded of, and maybe you do too.
Often we hear people saying, “I can’t do that.” Or maybe we have said ourselves, “I can’t do that, because of x, y, or z.” Often over the years, I know that I have used this excuse.
I said, “I can’t go sledding down that hill because of my back issues.” Or, ” I don’t have the ability to deal with that person right now due to my anxiety and depression issues.” This is okay, and sometimes necessary. It’s good to have healthy boundaries. But for me, it didn’t stop there.
The not going sledding down the hill with my kids snowballed into never wanting to go outside during the winter. The cold would make my back spasm, the ice made walking precarious and if I fell I would make my back worse. My excuses just went on and on.
Sometimes we use our disabilities as an excuse. Click To TweetI wanted to talk to Leta about the children she has had with special needs. One died, living not quite 2 months. Another has Tourette’s Syndrome. But it doesn’t occur to her to think of him as having special needs. Special needs, to her, are simply superpowers. So often we think of these disabilities and needs as a negative thing. She has turned them into positive things in her life and that of her family.
When I sit down and really think about the people I admire, the people I see out there who are happy, and really enjoying life? They aren’t making excuses. They are doing everything. These are people who are living their life to it’s fullest despite their disabilities or life issues.
. . .if we see someone who, in spite of life’s adversities, is happy a good deal of the time, we should recognize that we are looking at spiritual achievement- and one worth aspiring to. ~Leta Greene Click To Tweet 
The truth is, my back would have been better if I had spent more time with cautious exercise. My mental health would have been better if I had gone outside more and breathed the fresh air. It wouldn’t have cured my disabilities. But in the long term, it would have made me feel better. My “Superpower” of anxiety? It makes me slow down and take note of what is going on in my life. It makes me scale down to what is truly important to me. It makes me more empathetic.
I was 18 when my paternal grandfather died. My Uncle, who was tasked with speaking at the funeral, went around to all the Daughters and Sons-in-law and asked them what they felt my Grandfather had taught their spouses that had helped their marriages. My Mom’s response I’ll always remember.
Mom said, that Grandpa taught my Dad that he could do anything. If he didn’t know how to do something, that couldn’t be an excuse. He was expected to and found a way to do it. He tinkered around with it until he figured it out, he read about it, or as a last resort (because he is a man after all), he would ask someone to teach him.
As his child, I saw this play out time and time again in my own life as I would have many people say to me over the years, “You are SO talented.”, just because I was able to do something they couldn’t. Something they were afraid to do. My Dad passed on the lessons from my Grandpa Lyman. He taught me that if I wanted to learn something, learn it. Do it. Don’t let anything stand in your way. It usually had nothing to do with talent.
As I have grown older, my own mortality has become real. The consequences of doing things right the first time have hit home in a way they didn’t as a youth. I have become afraid. I started using excuses that I can’t do things because I was afraid.
I’m really grateful to Leta Greene for reminding me that I can do things. That my disabilities and special needs can be an asset and not a liability. People who put their minds to something can accomplish extraordinary things.
What excuses are you using in your life? What things are you saying “I can’t” to, when you really could, and should say “I CAN”?
Finding Faith In The Storm
“I didn’t have the complete picture. But God did. I learned that I could trust the Lord as I sat and waited for him. He loves me, and he changed the situation when I could no longer handle it. All I had to do was ask for help and he was there. I’m profoundly grateful for this experience. If ever at any time I was going to leave the church, to leave God, this would have been it. But I made it out the other side stronger, and with greater faith in the love of God. Stand for truth, but let God lead.” Read more…
