Am I Safe? Siblings of Special Needs Children

In all the craziness of our life with a child with Special Needs as I have written about here, and here, there has been another child here. Another child who needed love, attention, care, and to be safe. Sometimes because of the sheer emergent nature of her brother’s needs, she didn’t always get what she needed. It was never on purpose, it happened.

This past year things got to the point of realizing that no matter what, we needed to make sure she was safe and cared for. For the first time, we let go and sent our son to sleep-away summer camp. We sent him for 30 days respite outside our home. It was hard and something we weren’t sure we were doing the right thing.

For a long time, my daughter  and I have spent a lot of time arguing. Our relationship although not bad, wasn’t great.

After summer ended I came across something our daughter had written. She had written that she had discovered that no matter what, Mom would keep her safe. Sounds great right? But this gave me pause.

While I loved that she realized that my love and desire for her safety was utmost in my mind, it made me freeze. To consider that her own safety had been a concern to her. And I knew exactly where that concern came from.

It wasn’t from our endless debates over the safety reasons why I wouldn’t let her have her own smartphone at 10 years old.  Not our largely non-negotiable rule of no sleepovers unless it’s an emergency. It wasn’t over my telling her to be careful.

Her brother was the issue. He didn’t make her feel safe in her own home and at times he wasn’t safe with her.

Sending her brother away, off and on throughout the summer made a marked difference in my daughter and I’s relationship. While she expressed concern that we were just sending him away all the time (and maybe a small part of her worried that we would do that to her), we found our groove over the summer. She was able to relax and enjoy life.

While I loved that she realized that my love and desire for her safety was utmost in my mind, it made me freeze. To consider that her own safety had been a concern to her. And I knew exactly where that concern came from. Read more… Click To Tweet

We also added a solid core door to her bedroom as her brother would break through the typical hollow core door. We bought a new door handle- This one with a combination keypad so that when her brother wasn’t being safe, she could go to her room or our room (where we did the same thing to our door), and be safe.

Suddenly this girl I spent a lot of time arguing with, was giving me a hug and a kiss before she went to bed every night at 10 years old! Gone were (most of) the arguments. She wanted to spend time with me and do things together. Who is this lovely girl my daughter has changed into? I love her and hope she stays forever!

Things have definitely not been easy this past year. We had to make choices for our family we did not want to make. But I think that the choices we have made have led us to become a much healthier and happier family.

32 thoughts on “Am I Safe? Siblings of Special Needs Children

  1. It is heartbreaking that your daughter did not feel safe in her own home due to her sibling, even though he obviously cannot be faulted for having special needs. I’m happy you were able to get a respite and bond with your daughter, and that you made some changes to the home to help her feel safer. You are an amazing mom! #GlobalBlogging

  2. It’s sad to think that many children are in the same position. At the same time, the fact that she wrote down that you would keep her safe means that at one point she questioned her safety but came to conclude that there could be safety at home for her. I think it is a good idea that you gave her a special door knob that her brother can’t enter. Thank you for linking up with us at #OMHGWW and hope to see you next week!

  3. It must have been difficult to send your son away for a time, but it sounds like it was the right thing at least where your daughter is concerned. I taught ten-year-olds for most of my adult life, and it’s such a time of change, especially for girls. Hopefully, this reconnection will help when the tween and teen years come and you will be able to have a steady relationship then too.

  4. This is such a heart-wrenching post and I love your honesty. I’m glad you’ve found your way through this difficult time. Bless your daughter and your family. Here’s to a better 2019 x #MixItUp

  5. All children deserve to feel safe. Thank you for sharing your daughter’s story. Thanks for sharing with #TriumphantTales. Do come back next week.

  6. No matter how much you love your children, spouses or whomever, or even the Lord, the enemy works to destroy our lives and testimonies. Sowing peace and the love of Jesus is a challenge when dealing with difficulties. I know from dealing with combative children all too well, from daycare days to helping with fosters, you may never actually ” control ” the situation, but set the tone and know who is in control. Pleading His blood over your family and asking for protective angels,cancel that enemy assignment in His name. I’m sure you are doing the best you can and He will guide you, may He our forth love and grace in 2019.

  7. Thank you for sharing a bit of your daughter’s story with us at Grace & Truth Christian Link-Up. I teach classes to many who express concerns over safety. I always say, “Safety Trumps.” I love that you can get beyond any guilt or reservations and do what is best for everyone. I am not always good at that.

    Siblings of special needs kids so many times get overlooked. As a Mom with a loved one with unique mental health needs, I tend to go to the weakest or the one who needs the most. To be honest there is not always a lot left of me afterward.

    However, they are important too! You have reminded me of this today. We may not have safety issues, and they may be all grown up, but they still need their Mom. Thank you!

    1. Thanks for stopping in and reading. The other child can often get over looked and it really hit me hard that this was something really important.

  8. Thank you for so honestly sharing your truth. Although my daughter doesn’t feel unsafe with her special needs sister, she has expressed that some things make her uncomfortable and you have made me realize I need to be more sensitive and understanding to that. Thank you. laurensparks.net

  9. Wow. That is some pretty heavy stuff you deal with. I think you must be an extraordinary mom. I’m glad your daughter feels safe enough to let go with you and that you have been able to share this time with her. My cousin has a son that has special needs that sound similar to what your son may have. There have been safety issues in her home over the years. He is in his late twenties now. I will be praying that your family will learn and grow from one another over the years and that you will have strength and forgiveness for yourself and your family.

  10. It’s vital especially in today’s world that children are and feel safe well done Thanks for linking to #Thatfridaylinky hope to see you next week

  11. It’s great that your families journey has lead to you and your daughter getting on better. Life is so much better with a calm household. Congratulations Calleen 🙂

  12. So great that God led you to this deeper understanding of your kids, especially your daughter. I’m always startled when I learn something new, and realize again how the Shepherd is leading the lambs and the moms of the lambs. Blessings on you and your family.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.