Have you ever had a really bad experience with a person and then given them a second chance? It’s not really in my nature to do so. Especially when the experience related to one of my children.
Here’s a story about a time I was big enough and brave enough to give someone a second chance.
Our son had just been diagnosed with autism, was entering Kindergarten and while at the time I was planning on homeschooling him, I wanted him to have an IEP. Legally, any child who qualifies for an IEP is entitled to one regardless of if they are homeschooled, or in private or public school. I was looking for any therapy or assistance I could get for him to help him reach his potential. So, I took him to our local school and had him assessed.
One of the most important parts of the IEP and testing process is that it is supposed to be a team decision and you as the parent are part of that team. But I have found it to be a rare team that truly makes the parent feel that they are part of the team. I was still VERY new to the process and had no idea what questions I should be asking. Because he knew all of his letters and sounds (thank you Leap Frog Letter Factory), he was deemed not eligible for an IEP. They said he didn’t have “educational autism.”
I profoundly disagreed with this decision.
I had a lot of hard feelings for each member of the team and didn’t feel like they were listening to my concerns. I invoked my right for an independent evaluation, and while it took a while it was eventually decided in our favor that he did qualify for an IEP. We moved to a new area within the same school district, and I decided to put him in a public charter school for his 2nd grade year.
The first day of school, I’m trying to make sure his medicines are with the school nurse, and he’s got everything he needs as he had just had surgery. In walks the Special Ed teacher from the previous school. Alarm bells started going off in my head. I had worked SO hard to get him an IEP and now that she was here, I was sure she would take it away from him!
We had a very wise principal who said at our first IEP meeting of the year, that she understood there was history there. But that we were going to start the new year off fresh and we weren’t going to let the past dictate the future. I very cautiously agreed to try.
What I found?
A teacher who truly did have the best interests of her students at heart. A teacher who was equally frustrated by the constraints and rules her job. A friend who did everything she could for our son. But then she also loaned her car to us when we were moving and had to ship ours out of state. Later when we ended up in another state together, she called on me to help advocate for a family who needed help. Her position made it difficult for her to do so.
Sometimes, letting your guard back down and giving someone another chance? It’s one of the best decisions you could make.
I still have those caution walls built up. My sonshine was in a “neuro-typical” classroom with supports put in place. The problem was that he could see, hear or do things that the other students just didn’t understand. Basically being disruptive. There was this huge part of me that didn’t want to accept that. We had an IEP meeting, where things were decided in “the best interest of him” before my husband and I had even arrived. It was decided that he needed to be put in an all inclusive classroom, where his needs could be better met. I was not a happy camper and my husband had to remove me from the meeting. They won in the end. He needed that classroom more than I cared to admit. They worked hard with him. Covid did not help, but he still managed to carry on. Because of their dedication, our dedication and his hard work. 7th grade was a struggle. I had a few choice words about how I wasn’t about to allow my sonshine fall through the cracks, he went from failing to passing with an A. 8th grade year hasn’t been without its ups and downs, but for the first time, he managed to make honor roll. It was only one quarter, but it was a huge milestone for us. Second chances with pure caution; I get.
I totally get this. I’m so glad he has done better though!