*A version of this was previously published in Autism Parenting Magazine April 2018 issue.
Birthdays
For years I have dreaded my kids birthdays. Birthdays are supposed to be fun and exciting days. Autism has taken that from us. Instead, they have been filled with dread for me every time each of my kid’s birthdays approaches.
My son has Autism and with Autism comes difficulty connecting with others. He’s always wanted to play with other kids but he lacked the social skills to navigate friendship and play. He doesn’t process things quickly enough due to a processing disorder. This means that when kids are asking him to stop something, it doesn’t always compute for him. This results in difficulty in forming friendships and retaining them.
I say birthdays are hard because usually, no one comes to his birthday parties. A couple of years ago despite inviting multiple families to come to celebrate his day with us, only one showed up and they were 2 hours late. Really he just wanted people to show up and give him presents because that is what he has seen happen on his sister’s birthday.
Birthdays are hard for me with his sister, because a lot of kids will show up for her birthday and she will get lots of presents. I always feel torn like it’s not fair for her to have a party when hardly anyone will show up for her brother’s parties. She gets a ton of presents and he does not. But it’s not fair for her to never have parties either.
The first year we were in WA we invited at least 7 kids (and one of his teachers) from school and all but 1 came! I was in shock! And he was in heaven with all the presents. It was such a wonderful blessing.
A New Idea
Last year I had a new idea and I think we’ll continue with it for now. Birthday Parties are will now be for significant birthdays.
For D, he has had an obsession with pirates for years. People with Autism usually have one subject they are passionate about and for him it’s pirates. I found a company here in Seattle- Emerald City Pirates that do pirate cruises. We surprised him with a day cruise and he was in heaven. The staff was incredible with my pirate-loving boy who happens to have Autism.
The new (at that time) Pirates of the Caribbean movie, Dead Men Tell No Tales had just come out so we made it into a full pirate day and watched the movie too. It was a spectacular family day and he had a fabulous time. His sister was jealous. She wanted an “experience” birthday too!
Our lives tend to be a little different than other families that don’t have a child with autism, but we can still have fun and make the most of it. This year our adventure awaits at the Renaissance Fair.
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