This is a two-part series focusing on families with special needs and church. Part one is how church members can better support our families in their quest to be able to attend church and better participate. See part two here.
For families who have family members with special needs, church attendance can be at the least- daunting. At the worst- impossible. This can be very isolating, both for the person with special needs and for the family that cares for them.
Some people with special needs have behavioral issues or are triggered by loud noises, unfamiliar people, fabrics, etc. Anything can set them off. Then there are the ones who have medical issues. Maybe they have life-threatening allergies and just being in a room where someone had peanut butter that morning can set their allergy off. Or they have medical maintenance that needs to happen during church hours. My son cannot attend mid-week church activities as they aren’t until 7pm and medically, he needs to be in bed at that time every night. The truth is, our families have very specific and unique needs. Here are a few general suggestions to help make church attendance or attendance at any function, easier for us to attend and help us feel more included and not so isolated.
–Continuity of children’s class teachers– Many of our children are very anxious or need routine and when their teacher isn’t there this upsets them more than other children. Having a teacher that changes every week or frequently absent creates difficulties for them and causes huge anxiety and stress.
-Consider staffing classes which have children with Special Needs at a higher ratio– Have one person teach and another person working one on one with the child to help with their inclusion or to help facilitate all the children’s participation. Never set the child to the side and don’t interact with them.
– Don’t ask the parents to be their teachers unless we’re offering– For some of us, that hour or two may be the only break we get during the week, and we really need that break.
-Do reach out to us the family members, and ask for ideas on how to best serve the person with special needs– We would love to help you, as by helping you it helps us, especially as each person and family has unique needs. We are happy to train you and others in best practices so both you and everyone else can have a more enjoyable day.
-Do plan a lot of activities with lots of movement for children– Children without disabilities often can’t sit for long periods of time. Add ADHD or another diagnosis’ into the mix and it is physically impossible for them. Alternate movement activities with quiet activities.
-Don’t assume that the person with special needs cannot learn or does not want to participate– Keep giving them opportunities to join in even if it looks like they aren’t interested or can’t. Respect their contributions.
-Do reach out to the other members of the family and find out how they are doing– Be their friend. Offer rides to church activities for their other members of the family when church attendance for the one with special needs is impossible. Invite the family over for meals and fellowship. We often get overlooked as people aren’t always sure how to interact with us, but we need that interaction just as much as you do, probably more.
– Look at whether all areas of your building, is accessible to those in wheelchairs, walkers etc. Having areas that limit us, limits our participation and sometimes our attendance at church. For example, having microphones that can travel to the person so that they can share their thoughts rather than having to come up to the front of the room is really helpful. Not having them available out sends the signal that their contributions are not as important or needed.
These are just a few basic suggestions. It is my hope, that this will start conversations between church members and families so that all can be better served. Because we as a family of a Special Needs Person, and the Special Needs Person, have a lot to share with you too.
Please, take the time, write a response and let me know what difficulties you face, or your thoughts so that we can all learn to do better.
Such wonderful ideas! I would add one more – Don’t offer food unless the parents have said it is ok. So many children have food sensitivities, allergies, etc… Parents need to be aware of any food that might be brought into the room.
Thank you for sharing and for linking up at Paulette’s Papers.
I completely agree. I was just at somewhere last night where the family had to leave as one of them was allergic to mushrooms and had specifically asked and been told there weren’t any in the food. But there was.
Thanks for stopping by and reading.
This post gave great insight into some of the issues I have had concerning church for kids. My children do not have special needs, but do require almost all of the same things. My husband and I are lucky that we do have consistent teachers, but we only have care on Sunday mornings. So, we cannot attend evening church, or Wednesday church because they just can’t be up that late. I do hope someone reaches out to you because that is what church family is supposed to do. Lift others’ in need in the church.
Thanks for reading! It is my hope that we will be able to help one another so we can all have a better experience.
Some great points made and fantastic advice #inspirememonday@_karendennis
Thank you!
About churches and special needs children/adults. what do you do when your church has trips, dinners, activities, Vacation Bible Shool, etc., and you can’t attend because of your son or daughter?
I understand this all too well. Next week’s post is for parents/caregivers of special needs children on some tips on how to make it through church.
My number one recommendation? Ask for help. It is the hardest thing and I hate doing it, but God keeps putting me in positions where I have no choice but to reach out and ask for help. We can’t survive this alone. Be specific in your requests. As caregivers we NEED breaks. Maybe some members could take turns not going to the dinner or event and could stay with your child so you can get out? Trips can be a little more tricky as they are longer term and I’m still working on that myself.
These are helpful suggestions! Thank you. Although im not sure how to apply them ti our services. Kids are with their families for the entire service, not in a seperate area. Theyre generally expectes to sit quietly and interact with the services. I can imagine how difficult this must be for children with special needs and tgeir families. I wonder how we as a church can help them feel welcome and wanted. Any ideas from commenters would be appreciated.
That is a great question! One thing that might be helpful is having other people sit with the family to help manage the child or children, taking some of the pressure off so they can gain something from the service. It get really hard when you are trying to get to church every week and can’t get anything out of it.
Another suggestion might be if the person is home bound, you could take turns as a congregation staying with that person so the caregivers can get to the service and get a break.
Thanks for helping us to understand how we can be more helpful and sensitive. I’ll be pinning this for future reference.
Thank you for wanting to help. We really appreciate it.
Thank you for this! Laurie is right, so many want to help and be there but are unsure how to help. I know that this will be a blessing to many!
Thanks for linking up @LiveLifeWell!
Blessings,
Amy
Thanks for reading.
Goodness, this is so specific and so helpful. I’m going pin it for future reference!
Thank you. That is exactly what I hoped for when I was working on writing it. Specific ways others could help and take away with them.
Thank you for the great advice. Most of us want to help, sometimes we just don’t know how!
That’s why I wrote this. Until I had a child with Special Needs I wouldn’t have known myself.