An Ordinary Mom's Musings

Lately, my thoughts have been dwelling on what the most Christlike response would be to situations and people where they have chosen something that according to our understanding of the gospel is not something God would have us choose. I say “our understanding” because each of us is at a different point in our journey with Christ. This has been something I have been trying to figure out for years, and I don’t necessarily think there is one right answer to every situation out there, but I’ve come to figure out a few answers for me.
For centuries Christians have shunned people who have chosen to go against God’s commandments. It’s a pretty standard practice across all Christian religions and frequently other religions as well. I really don’t believe it is usually done out of malice but rather, to help the person figure out that their choice was wrong, fear of the “badness” rubbing off on them, protecting others, or that if we treat them well it will be an acceptance of their sin. However, after years of reflection and study of the gospel, I believe that this is an incorrect and unChristlike way of dealing with these situations. So what would be the appropriate way to deal with these situations? This has been my inward struggle to understand the last several years.
We are told in the scriptures not to judge others because we don’t have all the information and that that should be left to God. Yet often we still feel called to stand in judgment of the person we believe to be in the wrong. The example comes to mind of an unmarried expectant mother. Historically they have been hidden away, socially shunned, and sometimes far worse. My first thought is that the child she is carrying did absolutely nothing wrong and should be loved and treated as any other child would be. They are not less than because of the circumstances of their birth.
Second, after years of thinking about this and honestly agonizing over it, what I have come to believe is that we should love the person who made a different decision than you would have. People don’t care if you think they did wrong unless they KNOW you love them. Shunning them, making them marginal members of society is not going to bring them back into the fold of God. Loving them has the best potential of that. When you know that someone truly and deeply cares for you, that is when your heart changes. That is when you find the courage to make changes in your life because you know you are not alone. And even if they don’t decide to change and repent I still believe that this is what Christ would have us do.
Judging, I think should be held in reserve and only used in judging situations rather than people. Is a situation unsafe? Will this situation bring me closer to Christ?
I think one of the reasons so-called “bad kids” become so bad is because they don’t have people in their lives that care about them. They make a mistake and suddenly lose the friends who are a good influence because the friends don’t feel comfortable around them anymore or the parents don’t want them around them anymore for fear the “badness” will rub off on their good kids.
I hope I can break this tradition of shunning people in my life and instead pass on to my children the tradition to judge a situation that is unsafe for them like a party where alcohol is being consumed and they shun that. But that when the next day rolls around, they show love and compassion to those people who were at the party but made a different choice than they did and try to bring them into their circle.
I haven’t figured out all the answers to my questions yet. Hopefully, as I continue studying, praying and pondering those answers will become clearer.