This was originally written last week-
Time to declutter and clean up my life. As a Special Needs Parent, I have a finite amount of time, patience, perseverance, and ability to hang on. The last 2 days I’ve been realizing I’m at the end of my rope and I have nothing left.
When this happens I know I need to make my life smaller at least for a while. This is a sign that I’ve allowed (?) my life to spin out of control and spread myself too thin. A trigger for my own special needs Anxiety and Depression.
So I started out by deciding while I love to crochet, I’m no longer going to try to sell my wares. It’s not worth my time and effort. I’m sure I’ll continue to crochet but it will be for gifts and needs and probably on a much smaller scale and remain just a hobby.
Next, I looked at my nemesis, Facebook. I spend WAY too much time on there. It’s important to me as I can connect with people and family my circumstances may not otherwise make possible. But there is another side of Facebook that drags me in. All of those VERY worthy causes. Right now I don’t have anything left to put into caring about the world. Next week, or next month, maybe I can. But for now, I can’t. So I went through and deleted myself from about half of the groups I belong to, thus making my world smaller and mentally more manageable. At times like this, I often won’t answer the phone. I let it go to voicemail and if it’s important they’ll leave a message. I can then decide when I have the emotional strength to deal with it. I would be concerned if this were what I did long term but it’s usually only for a few weeks until I can breathe again.
Next, I started cleaning and getting rid of things. I inherited my Mother’s appreciation for an uncluttered space. It is rare however that any of my spaces are uncluttered. Our family room has been in the process of being cleaned out for at least the last 3 months and had stalled halfway through. It is now mostly done- other than the laundry I’m still working on folding. Getting rid of those things on my to-do list that has been nagging me is mentally freeing.
Throughout it all, I was praying to be able to be strong enough to carry the burdens that had been placed on me and that a way through some of them would be provided.
I started the day utterly dispirited, dejected, crying and overwhelmed. But as I took these steps, by the end of the day while none of my troubles and cares had changed, I felt immeasurably better. This tells me I’m on the right track. I frequently can’t change the roller coaster that is being a parent of a Special Needs child, but I can take care of myself so that I can better handle it.
