An Ordinary Mom's Musings

Being in school, a worldwide pandemic, moving to a new state. All of these things I could use as an excuse for missing in action in the advocating arena for the past year or so. But we all know, that the need to advocate for our selves, our child, our family member, doesn’t go away in spite of life changes. It would be nice if it could hold off for a bit when things get crazy, but it doesn’t. In the midst of our latest struggle, a dear friend reminded me of my responsibility to raise awareness of how to find help and resources to help others. Something I have dedicated my life to over the past 10 years since our son’s autism diagnosis.

With this in mind, I once again come to you to share the difficult and the hard. I’m trying to help others understand what our lives are like. To help you know that you are not alone. Maybe to help prevent what is happening to us, from happening to you. To never stop advocating.

Last week we were visited by Child Protective Services (CPS). A charge of abuse and neglect of my son was leveled against me.

This is every parent’s worst nightmare.

It is more likely to happen if you have a child with special needs. Because unfortunately, ordinary people do not understand our lives. At the age of three, my son’s therapists started coaching me on what to do if CPS showed up at my door. The irony of the situation is that he is doing better now and is the most stable he has been in many years.

The charge was brought by a teacher at my son’s High School. Despite it being anonymous, the claims were such that we knew who that particular person was. I do understand that teachers are mandatory reporters. But I strongly feel if he had bothered to talk to my son’s team at school this whole thing could have been avoided.

This teacher inserted himself into my son’s life. He isn’t his teacher, he is in no way involved with him academically or through Special Ed. The teacher took an interest in my son and started questioning him after medical issues started arising at school regarding his cecostomy. He claimed I was not meeting my son’s medical needs. I was starving him. I make him do his own laundry and I leave my son and his sister alone by themselves all the time.

The truth of the matter.

Since moving to Mississippi, it has been well nigh impossible to get my son’s medical equipment supplies for his cecostomy. I’ve succeeded in almost 2 years to get one of the supplies once. This, as you might imagine is causing issues. I have been fighting with DME (Durable Medical Equipment) companies, had nurses from his pediatrician and specialists offices, trying to help fight the battle. Advocating, and advocating until I’m blue in the face. It’s been impossible to break through this wall. Until we do, my son will continue to have medical issues I cannot resolve. All of this, in detail I have attempted to explain to the said teacher on numerous occasions. My advocating fell on deaf ears.

As I have documented here and written about many times, he has issues with food. Because of this, we do have locks on our pantry. He will make himself sick otherwise, and the 5 or so things he will eat will be gone in less than 12 hours after I buy them and I only go shopping once every two weeks. He does however have full access to the fridge and any leftovers, fruits and vegetables, and bread that he wants. He has plenty to eat if he chooses.

As for the stupid charges. . .

Doing his laundry? He’s almost 15 years old. This is a life skill he needs to know.

As for leaving his sister and him alone all the time, I’d really like to know where I’m going. COVID canceled most of my in-person classes. I’ve spent an awful lot of time at home during this past year of COVID lockdowns to be leaving my children who are 13 and 14 years old alone all the time. The truth is that they do fight like cats and dogs. Because of the experiences we have had in the past, we only leave them for short periods of time to run an errand or two, with both of them having their own tablet and in their own rooms. My son is not going to do anything but watch that tablet unless it’s for food when he has it. So I know that under these circumstances it’s relatively safe to leave them for a little while.

I don’t know what the outcome of this investigation will be. We’re still in the middle of it. They haven’t called his doctors yet or other references. (His GI doctor’s nurse plans to give them an earful when they call. Telling them how ridiculous these charges are.) Will we even know if the investigation is complete or will it hang over my head forever?

Should this ever happen to you-

My advice after reading of other families who have special needs children receiving a visit from CPS, and the lawyer we consulted:

-Don’t let them in the house without a warrant.

-Don’t give them anymore information than they already have to use against you.

-They will talk to your children whether you want them to or not. If you don’t let them talk to them there at your home, they’re just going to show up at the school and interview them there. For this reason, we chose to let the CPS worker interview them outside, within our line of sight and our hearing, though it was about 100 ft. away.

We signed paperwork stating that we were informed of what our rights were if the CPS worker did something wrong, and that we understood that we could be made to pay for doctor’s visits if our children required them. We were also asked to provide two references. While the CPS worker wasn’t happy she wasn’t allowed in our home, she didn’t seem too concerned after she talked with our children. But you never know.

I’m praying that busy bodies stay far away from you and don’t feel inclined to call CPS on you. May you never have to go through this. May your advocating find ready listeners and understanding hearts.