An Ordinary Mom's Musings

My child is 13. Our changing world is different from when he was five. And yet some things are the same.

When he had a meltdown at five,

I could pick him up and put him somewhere where he would be safe until it was all over. At 13, I’m putting myself somewhere safe instead.

At five he struggled with communicating his thoughts and feelings, both due to disfluency in his speech, and the struggles that autism brings to be able to express oneself. While he could speak, and spoke a lot, much of his communication was nonverbal leaving us to guess at what he was thinking or feeling. At 13, his speech is clear, and he is learning how to be able to share that he doesn’t like something or is uncomfortable, verbally.

Reading, at the age of five and for many years after brought tears for both of us as he struggled. Today at 13, reading brings us nothing but joy- except when we can’t get his nose out of a book to leave for school!

At five I changed his bedsheets daily and often his clothes due to accidents. At 13, after many VERY long years we are starting to see that there might be light at the end of this tunnel.

School at the age of five,

wasn’t really a problem in that he didn’t have a choice. He was doing it. At the age of 13, I would LOVE to say he still doesn’t have a choice and still must go to school, but the truth is at 13, I can no longer pick him up and put him in the car. Some days he flat out refuses to go or refuses to participate.

At five, he was my constant companion. He was happy to play and see others but he wanted me close by, and in reach. At 13, there’s a lot more time spent in his room alone reading a book than hanging out with mom, but I’m still his person.

Seatbelts were never a problem at five due to a friend who was a cop having a conversation with him when he was three. He always stayed in his seatbelt. At 13, I find myself having to remind him constantly to put it on.

When you are in the middle of the storm, it looks like it is going to go on forever. And for some things, 13 years has been forever. I can’t tell you that everything will be great in your changing world as your child with special needs ages. I would love to be able to truthfully say that to you. But that isn’t our life.

The truth about our changing world is:

Some things are going to get easier. You’ll look back and think, “I’m so glad we are done with that.” Or you’ll forget that it was even something you dealt with until something triggers that memory.

Some things are going to stay the same. It’s hard. Sometimes you are SO done with this life and burnt out. But there are beautiful things that stay the same too- like the love that you share.

Some things? They are going to get harder. Our children are growing. Soon they will no longer be children. Society has less patience for adults with special needs than children with special needs. As our children age they often get stronger, but we age too, and sometimes they are stronger than we are. We are also SO used to being there as their backup, it becomes really hard to step back and let them realize whatever level of independence they are capable of.

I don’t have any magic advice. For those of you dealing with five. Just know that those of us at 13? We’re here for you. We’ll help you through your changing world.