There is one thing I have found in this special needs parenting journey, it is that no two parents will react in the same way. We are individuals, and we are going to react individually.
Relief
For some there is acceptance, relief even that an answer, an explanation has been found.
Planning
Some go directly into the planning mode. How do we help/cure this? What needs to be done?
Grief
Yet others feel profound grief. There are lost dreams of who they “thought” their child would be. Those dreams will be restructured, new dreams built. But before you can build those dreams, you have to work through the grief. And that is hard.
Denial
Then there is denial. You see all the facts laid out- But you can not grasp acceptance. There is no way a child of yours could be dealing with this issue. There is nothing wrong with your child.
Often there is a mixture of all or some of these responses tied up in your reaction to the news that your child is dealing with a chronic illness, or a developmental disability. What will surprise you, is when your spouse reacts completely differently than you do to the news.
Couples struggle with this concept.
“How can you be in complete denial when all the facts are in front of you,” the wife wonders?
“How can you just accept what this doctor is telling you,” the husband asks? There is nothing wrong with our child! The doctor is wrong!
What we need to understand, is that there is no “right” way to react to the news that your child has issues you can’t solve on your own. May never be able to solve. We need to understand that just because your spouse reacts differently, doesn’t mean that they love our child any less. This is how they need to work through the emotions of this big new thing in their lives.
Patience and open communication is what is needed. This is not an easy curve ball you have been thrown.
