One Sunday my son stayed home from church as he wasn’t feeling well.
I sat in our main meeting for church and breathed a sigh of relief. Church has been a huge problem for us for years and it can bring out any and all behaviors, mainly pointed toward me. ABA therapy (Applied Behavior Analysis therapy) and Charlie, his service dog have helped and for a few years kept things in check. But at church, I am always on constant alert. It is a rare treat when I get to sit back and listen to the speakers without dealing with a meltdown, stopping a fight, or listening to VERY loud whispers quickly dissolving into yelling that he is starving and must have food immediately. This despite having just eaten. Most parents deal with this on some level but eventually, their kids grow up and it becomes more manageable. That isn’t really our story.
The fact that I breathed a sigh of relief because my son wasn’t there gave me pause. Then the guilt started coming. I was happy because my son wasn’t at church? I was happy he was sick and had to stay home? What was wrong with me? Church and the Gospel of Christ are very important to me. I feel strongly that my children should be at church every Sunday.
After examining my thoughts from all angles I decided that this was a time where I needed to give myself grace. My son wasn’t at church simply because he was sick. He needed to stay home so he could get better and so he didn’t infect others. I wasn’t keeping him from being there. There was nothing wrong with me enjoying and taking the opportunity for peace and quiet, to be able to listen and to learn. He would be back the next week and we would continue our struggles. But for here and now I would just enjoy.
So if you have these doubts and thoughts of guilt. Stop. Remember to give yourself grace and appreciate the chance to give yourself a break and a chance to grow.
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I have a special needs child and wrote about the church too here: http://laurensparks.net/2017/10/5-things-special-needs-families-wish-the-church-knew/. I am so thankful that my church has embarked on a ministry to families like ours now. Blessings to you and yours. laurensparks.net
I think it is SO important that we are honest about our needs because I think they really do want to help. They just don’t know how.
Working with autism is hard! But I love that you realized that you need to give yourself grace. You are doing your best — and sometimes that means getting tired of all the behaviors and fights that come with autism. But God loves you and your son just as you are, even on those hard Sundays. Thank you for sharing this!
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That must be a hard spot to be in. We have a parent room in the back of our church. Not just for nursing moms but for moms with loud kids, kids with special needs, or anyone that just needs to move in church. Jesus would have welcomed them! My pastor says in every service we are a family church and kids in the church don’t bother him! #triumphanttales
Mine would likely just curl up in the corner and go to sleep rather than deal with church and he’s 12. I’m trying to help him understand that as he gets older more is expected of him. It’s a work in progress.
So true! We must always have a an attitude of gratitude and be aware of the enemy’s way of bringing us down when we should be giving thanks! Thank you for sharing your story and prayers for your son!
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Yes, in so many ways we measure our lives with a broken yardstick.
God extends grace, and we are wise to take it.
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