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A Work in Progress

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My Christian Friends Who Have Left Church

I have seen your heartache. I know the person you are. You are people I dearly love, who I know have hearts of gold.

My heart cries out for you because of what you have been through!

This one has a child who is transgender.

Another was sexually assaulted by a man in authority and then told she deserved it.

Yet another, questions the very existence of God because of the many trials that they have gone through because why would a loving God put her through that?

Another just never felt close to God and no matter what he does, he feels nothing.

Oh, how my heart bleeds for you all!

I see your pain and anguish.

I don’t purport to know all the answers. I wish I did. I’ve had my own path to walk with things I have had to plead for help and understanding.

My path hasn’t been yours.

But with everything I have been through, with the answers I have found, this is what I know:

God knows the answers.

And even more than that, he understands.

I think one day when we are able to have a conversation in person with him, he’s going to clear up a lot of confusion for all of us. He’s going to know that one person dealt with life long depression which made it extremely difficult to feel his presence. He’s going to take that into account.

He’s knows the horrific experiences you went through and the effect they had on you. That you were blamed and told you deserved it. That for your own health you had to separate yourself from the church. I believe he has compassion and love for you and he’s going to understand that you did the very best you could.

Sometimes we get so caught up as Christians on things we think we are supposed to do, that we forget the core principal of the gospel of Jesus Christ is love.

We forget that those who have made different choices than we have, deserve love and respect.

We want to grade someone else’s sins greater than our own, and regard them as less worthy. But we don’t get to make that call. Only God does.

So when all is said and done, and judgement is given, I think we’ll see a lot more of those people who left the church, unable to walk our traditional ways, with God. Even if I’m wrong, God says to love him and love others, so I’ll keep walking that path and keep reaching my hand out to you in friendship.

Just because you left the church doesn’t mean God, nor I have to leave you.

So we’ll be right here loving you.

Holding a Job and Being a Parent of Special Needs Child is Often Incompatible

“The first story I’ll tell you is that of a single mom. She recently discovered that her daughter had serious medical issues. All of her sick leave and vacation now go to time off for medical appointments. She has enough for this year, but next year, she will likely burn through that quickly. Vacations will now be a thing of the past while she desperately tries to balance working, being a mom, and the care of her sick child. She is lucky. She has worked with the company she works for, for over a year and therefore is eligible for the government program of FMLA (Family Medical Leave Act). This act protects her job and ensures she gets time off- though unpaid, to care for her child.”
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Am I Allowed to Fail As A Mother?

As a mother,

As a person,

Am I allowed to fail?

Just once?

Only in one area?

Only on Tuesdays?

What are the rules?

Can someone please tell me?

I thought when we made it successfully through a school year last year, we were okay, despite the masks. This year, we made it 2 weeks into the school year before the High School shut down to quarantine all students.

Meanwhile, I’m back at work for the first time in 12 years and I’m getting emails from teachers complaining because my child isn’t logging on to the Zoom classes. He hasn’t had access to the internet except for school all week, but he doesn’t seem to care.

This week I have failed as a mother.

My child hasn’t gotten dressed and showered on time. Some days, I’m not sure he showered. His version of an essay is one sentence with zero punctuation this week. I’ve only looked at his work a couple times to check that he has done it. I work all day and have been working overtime to deal with our company’s response to COVID, and that is taxing. I’m single parenting because my husband’s away for a few months with this job undergoing training that is extremely stressful for him.

And so, I failed as a mother this week.

My kids have raided the fridge, wandered around in clothes that I’m not sure when they were last washed, with my son skipping school assignments he will have to make up later. Meanwhile, I’m getting upset texts from teachers and I might have bought all the Snickers bars from the vending machine at work.

This week, I failed as a mother.

But there’s always next week.

Being Held Emotionally Hostage

“I was recently talking with another mom who has a child with mental health issues. While talking she used the term “emotionally held hostage.” Those three words struck a cord with me because so often in the special needs, disability, and mental health worlds it can feel like we are being held hostage. By our children, spouses, parents, and even ourselves through our own illnesses.”
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Feeling like a fraud

“And so I sit here, trying to understand that because my life is not filled with trauma causing events, and has really calmed down in a lot of ways, that it makes me feel like a fraud. As mental health is my chosen field to study and eventually work in… This makes me want to dig into this further.”
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The Hard Work of Living With Anxiety

“Right now I am in a class for Psychological Pharmacology and I have never worked harder on any class in my life. I am not doing well. It’s my last semester so I can’t drop the class if I want to graduate. Last week I spent 6-8 hours a day studying and going to class just for this class. It’s affecting my work for my other classes.
And it’s affecting me.”
Read more. . .

Physics Changed My Perspective Of My World

“Do you have dreams waiting?

It’s time. They are ready for you to reach out and grasp them with both hands. That mountain that looks like Everest is high. But it’s not quite as high as you think. It’s possible!”

8 Survival Tips For Surviving A Pandemic Summer

“The temperature is rising and down here in the South and it feels like we are already well into summer. But summer is just getting ready to start. And I don’t know about you, but after having had my kids home for school for the past 2 1/2 months. . . “
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Pictures Hold A Thousand Memories

“I thought I looked fat and ugly from pregnancy and I couldn’t stand looking at the picture. It made me cringe. It was hidden in the depths of a photo album never given a place of honor. Just stuffed in there with random loose photos.”
Read more. . .

I Can’t Tell What You’re Saying

“Last week I was in Walmart with my son. As we waited in line to check out I was noticing the amount of people wearing facial masks and thinking, ”I really miss seeing people’s smiles, I can’t tell if how they are feeling with their face under a mask.”

And then it hit me.

This is how my son has viewed the world.”