“Military homecoming videos are all over the internet. With the holidays coming they seem to explode in number. The videos are beautiful, heart-warming, and I can’t watch them.”
Read more. . .
Iraq
Your Husband Is Gone And You Love It?
Right before our 1st wedding anniversary, my husband was getting ready to deploy to Iraq for 16 months with the military. He actually reported in for duty on our 1st Anniversary. We had just moved and were at a new church. The women there were gracious and kind.
However, I didn’t understand the comments from various women about how they were jealous and wished their husbands would go away for a year or two. Here I was a newly married person, my husband was going off to war with no guarantee that he would ever come home again, I was appalled!
(Quick PSA, if you are talking to a woman, and her spouse has deployed statements like above, or ones like, “I never get to see my husband anymore”, when he is home in bed every night- Just don’t.)
I’ve also been on the opposite side of comments where women have said, “I could never do what you do, having your husband gone all the time.” They feel their husband has to be by their side in order to survive. While these comments are basically the exact opposite of the previous ones, these comments puzzled me as well.
Fast forward 15 years. . . I now understand what each of these groups of women meant.
You love your husband. You really, really do. But. . .
Sometimes it’s nice to have the whole king size bed to yourself!
Occasionally it’s nice to stay up half the night working on a project without having to worry about waking up your husband or feeling guilty because you aren’t spending time with him. The kids are in bed and this is your time to do with as you please.
Sometimes you want to watch a sappy girl movie that most men would rather die than watch.
Occasionally you want girl food, not meat and potatoes. Because let’s face it, the kids are happy with cereal or Mac and Cheese. This leaves you to have your grapes, cream puffs, and croissants, or whatever else strikes your fancy.
But what about that other group of women who can’t survive without their husband’s being there?
I’ve always been a pretty independent person. Having kids has taught me the value of having a partner in the craziness.
Someone who can take over before you’ve completely lost it with the kids, the house and the dog.
A person who can share the joys and the sorrows with you and help you face the day after.
Someone who is your best friend and who just “gets” you.
My married life has been such that my husband has times in which he is gone for extended periods. Other times he is home working normal hours locally. What I’ve learned through the years is to take each time that I have and thoroughly enjoy it to the fullest.
The Beauty Of Our Life Together?
We get a taste of both worlds and can appreciate them all the better.
Camping with Kids
I LOVE camping. I love the smell of a wood fire. It is one of my favorite smells.
Add roasted marshmallows to it and I am one happy person! I love sleeping in a tent, and the unique smells and sounds that you can experience there. It’s something of an adventure and I’ve always loved adventures. Read more…
My Journey With Anxiety
“Not everyone is as lucky as I am and has their attacks manifest in all different ways. But know that this is a possibility. Things don’t always go by the book.” Read more…
The Best Job In The World
I recently contemplated going back to work after a break of 10 years and have sent out a few resumes. Someone who was helping me with my search recently asked, “What would your perfect job be?” That stumped me for a minute. What was my perfect job? And then it hit me. I’ve had my perfect job for the last 11 years. I just never realized it.
All my life I’ve wanted to be a Mom. I have two kids and would have liked a few more but that wasn’t the cards I was dealt. I’ve been extremely blessed that most of the time since my children were born I’ve been able to be a stay-at-home Mom.
But my Motherhood has not come easy, or without lots of trials as Motherhood often does. There have been times when we’ve had to make life-changing decisions about one of our children. My husband has deployed to Iraq and has spent a lot of our married life apart from us due to the military or other work. There are all the sleepless nights (and I like my sleep!), endless messes, endless headaches, never a private moment once your first child leaves your womb. That is what Motherhood is.
But Motherhood is also those sweet tender moments cuddling that sweet babe. Kissing those kissable cheeks. Watching them as they experience the wonder of the world is magical. Watching them become more and more independent as the years go on makes you simultaneously want to celebrate their accomplishments and their needing you less, and make you want to cry.
The job I have had for the last 11 years has been the hardest job I’ve ever held. But I wouldn’t trade it for anything. My kids are my world.
It’s time to start a new chapter in my life, likely it still won’t be working outside the home due to the issues we experience with our son and autism. But it’s time to shift focus a little. I will forever be grateful that I have had this opportunity to be just, “An Ordinary Mom”.
Before you leave check out the book review of the book Unbound and check out a chance to receive a free copy.
*This post contains affiliate links from which I may receive compensation.
Sleep
I come from a long line of people who have no problems sleeping. There are a few recorded episodes within my family of narcolepsy, and the joke has always been in my family that my Dad’s eyelids were connected to his behind as he would sit down and immediately go to sleep.
Sleep issues for my son were a complete surprise to me. What came as an even bigger surprise was the sleep issues I have developed.
All mothers go through a through a period of at least a few years where their children don’t sleep at night and they are very sleep deprived. Eventually, most children learn to sleep through the night. But my issues started LONG before children.
My sleepless nights started when my husband deployed to Iraq for the first time. There was a bit of a time difference there between us, coupled with the fact that phones were not very accessible, and depending on when he was on duty or not, largely dictated when he could call which was usually about 3 am. But he was in a war zone, and I was just happy to talk to him. But when I hadn’t heard from him in awhile I would either be kept awake worrying or wake up suddenly expecting a call. Let’s just say that didn’t make the greatest sleep for 16 months.
We didn’t have any kids at the time thankfully. Those came a couple years later and my daughter was born during his second deployment to Iraq when again I was waiting for phone calls.
Later when D was about 3 1/2 he started waking between 2-4am for the day. That was pretty much impossible for me to handle. It was what propelled me to start finding out what was going on with him. Here we are, many years later and sleep is still an issue for him.
Suddenly I am having really bad bouts of insomnia that can literally keep me awake all night. I really think at this point it has been trained into my body from the last 14 years or so. I don’t function well at all on no sleep. I pretty much can’t function. So I should be able to chalk up any bad decisions I’ve made recently to chronic lack of sleep right? I mean there has to some good side?
This is a very common occurrence for parents of children with Special Needs and for spouses of Military personnel who are deployed. This is the life I’ve chosen and I live. Here’s hoping I can find the right supplements to knock me out at night.
Perfection Pending: Mortal Life Standing In the Way
“The answers I have found are not simple or easy. But what I have determined is that God didn’t send us here to just have a blessed life… I may not be perfect, but I do believe I am enough.”
Anniversary
On this day, 15 years ago I married the man I love. We had no idea what life and the Lord had in store for us (and it’s probably a good thing we didn’t).
This 15-year journey has not been easy. It’s seen 2 deployments to Iraq, 2 dogs, 2 kids, more moves than I want to count, job losses and job gains, health issues, and LOTS of learning, growing and stretching to the point of almost and sometimes breaking. After all that has been said and done, I know I am a better person because of all this craziness we have called our lives together. Often when one of us is to the point of breaking, the other has to carry us along until we can stand again together. I’m so grateful that I have someone who can do that for me and for our family.
It’s been a hard-won 15 years, but worth it. Here’s to the next 15!
Joy in the Journey
“Therefore will I give thanks unto thee, O Lord, among the heathen, and sing praises unto thy name.”
Psalms 18:49
In church we were talking about gratitude and how important it is to be grateful when you are going through trials, and then I came home to find that a friend had tagged me so I would read an article about the 4 things that you can do that will make you happy. Being grateful happened to be one of them. The article said that even if you cannot find anything, as long as you are actively searching for something to be grateful for, it changes our brain chemistry.
I remember learning this lesson of gratitude years ago when I had broken my leg. I was working as a live-in Nanny at the time and my boss was less than happy that I was living there, eating her food and unable to care for her child. The growth I experienced and the things I learned at the time made me SO grateful for the experience. I never wanted to go through it again, but I was grateful.
My life has moved on since then, and much bigger problems have arisen. My husband deployed to Iraq twice for extended periods, my son was diagnosed and lives with Autism, I have a spine that didn’t form correctly and can at times cause extreme pain and has resulted in two surgeries. I’ve forgotten the lesson I learned so long ago. Yet how can I be grateful for these experiences?
My husband’s first deployment, he left on our first wedding anniversary and he was gone for 16 months. The second one, I was pregnant with R and she was born during the deployment. I developed anxiety attacks during his first deployment. What have I to be grateful for?
Frequently you hear we need to show gratitude to our service members for their service. And we should! Our country owes them a debt of gratitude. 
But until I was a wife and a mother with a spouse off fighting in a war, I had never understood or even thought of the incredible sacrifices that the families of the military make. I am in total awe of so many of the ones I have met and known. The resilience and fortitude they have taught me have been so valuable to me.
I also had the opportunity to work with a Non-Profit that worked with families and children of Iraq, (FUTURE). When several of the women found out that my husband had been over there, they gave me a big hug and said, Thank you! Thank you for giving up your time with your husband to set us free!” Now, wether or not we should or should not have been in Iraq is a whole other discussion. But for me, on that day, it brought healing to my soul. It hadn’t been easy for my husband and his experiences there, nor had it been for me.
My son has Autism, and frequently it is not a gift. There have been times of extreme hurt, frustration, and being at the end of my rope. I can only imagine just how hard it has been for him too. What have I to be grateful for?
I’m beyond grateful for the amazing people this has brought and continues to bring into our lives. They enrich our lives SO much. We would never have met them if it hadn’t been for this Autism and other health issues of his in our lives. It has also opened a window into the walks of life of so many others. I can understand and have compassion in ways it would never have been possible before. It has truly broadened my horizons.
My spine has made me slow down, it has made me cry and scream in pain. It has made me truly helpless at times where I could not care for myself, let alone my family. What have I to be grateful for?
I’ve come to be grateful for the great compassion and willingness to serve others when there is a need, by my fellow man. It has made me grateful that I have a body at all, and that despite its challenges, but for the grace of God, things could be far worse.
Above all, these experiences have taught me just how much God and my Savior love me. How they are very aware of the emotional, physical, spiritual, and financial needs I have. And that, above all, I can be grateful.
