Knowing your limits

An Ordinary Mom's Musings > Knowing your limits
Holding a Job and Being a Parent of Special Needs Child is Often Incompatible

Holding a Job and Being a Parent of Special Needs Child is Often Incompatible

“The first story I’ll tell you is that of a single mom. She recently discovered that her daughter had serious medical issues. All of her sick leave and vacation now go to time off for medical appointments. She has enough for this year, but next year, she will likely burn through that quickly. Vacations will now be a thing of the past while she desperately tries to balance working, being a mom, and the care of her sick child. She is lucky. She has worked with the company she works for, for over a year and therefore is eligible for the government program of FMLA (Family Medical Leave Act). This act protects her job and ensures she gets time off- though unpaid, to care for her child.”
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God Knows I Have A Lot To Learn

God Knows I Have A Lot To Learn

“HR wasn’t anything I was looking to get into, and I definitely wasn’t looking at manufacturing for a job. But every job that would have been perfect for me, that I could bring a lot of skills and knowledge to the job, or that would help in my continuing education? None of them worked out.
Instead, God brought me into a factory.”
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Am I Allowed to Fail As A Mother?

As a mother,

As a person,

Am I allowed to fail?

Just once?

Only in one area?

Only on Tuesdays?

What are the rules?

Can someone please tell me?

I thought when we made it successfully through a school year last year, we were okay, despite the masks. This year, we made it 2 weeks into the school year before the High School shut down to quarantine all students.

Meanwhile, I’m back at work for the first time in 12 years and I’m getting emails from teachers complaining because my child isn’t logging on to the Zoom classes. He hasn’t had access to the internet except for school all week, but he doesn’t seem to care.

This week I have failed as a mother.

My child hasn’t gotten dressed and showered on time. Some days, I’m not sure he showered. His version of an essay is one sentence with zero punctuation this week. I’ve only looked at his work a couple times to check that he has done it. I work all day and have been working overtime to deal with our company’s response to COVID, and that is taxing. I’m single parenting because my husband’s away for a few months with this job undergoing training that is extremely stressful for him.

And so, I failed as a mother this week.

My kids have raided the fridge, wandered around in clothes that I’m not sure when they were last washed, with my son skipping school assignments he will have to make up later. Meanwhile, I’m getting upset texts from teachers and I might have bought all the Snickers bars from the vending machine at work.

This week, I failed as a mother.

But there’s always next week.

Being Held Emotionally Hostage

“I was recently talking with another mom who has a child with mental health issues. While talking she used the term “emotionally held hostage.” Those three words struck a cord with me because so often in the special needs, disability, and mental health worlds it can feel like we are being held hostage. By our children, spouses, parents, and even ourselves through our own illnesses.”
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The Hard Work of Living With Anxiety

The Hard Work of Living With Anxiety

“Right now I am in a class for Psychological Pharmacology and I have never worked harder on any class in my life. I am not doing well. It’s my last semester so I can’t drop the class if I want to graduate. Last week I spent 6-8 hours a day studying and going to class just for this class. It’s affecting my work for my other classes.
And it’s affecting me.”
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Love Doesn’t End With Death

Love Doesn’t End With Death

“He may have been old and sometimes cantankerous when I knew him but these memories coming to mind, reminded me of the deep love he had for his family and how he was always there whenever we needed him.”
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Fear About Being Admitted to a Psych Unit

Fear About Being Admitted to a Psych Unit

“Mental health is a scary issue for many people. There is so much stigma attached to many of the diagnoses. Adults frequently are afraid that they will lose their jobs if anyone finds out. This leads to not getting help, and not being able to talk to anyone about their mental health isolating them from the world. Which in turn, can lead to more mental health issues like depression and anxiety. ”
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Why We Say No To Slumber Parties

Why We Say No To Slumber Parties

I had a unique slumber party when I was probably 10 or 11, compared to a lot of other slumber parties. My family owned a small motel. I was able to invite about 10 girls over for a slumber party in one of our motel rooms, sans chaperones. We spent the night binging on tv and snacks and at one point after midnight, snuck out down the street for a bit. If my parents only knew. . .

But not all slumber parties are fun.

Not all slumber parties end well.

I overheard girls talking about me and others when they thought I was asleep. It wasn’t kind.

Generally, it has been our practice not to allow our kids to have, or participate in sleepovers.

My number one reason?

I was going to say-

Because kids are a complete mess the next morning from not sleeping the night before. I’m all for my kids having fun and spending time with friends. Dealing with the aftermath of not enough sleep.

But the real reason is safety.

Graffiti on a wall with a picture of a girl and the words rescue me
Image by Eduardo Davad from Pixabay

Did you know that most children who are trafficked in the U.S. are trafficked not by a stranger but by a family member or someone they know?

At slumber parties things get tried for the first time- pills, alcohol, smoking, touching, and experimenting.

My kids will make choices.

But I want to make sure that they are old enough to understand the choices and the consequences they are making. I don’t think it’s fair to make them deal with circumstances they aren’t ready to deal with.

Am I sheltering my children?

Maybe.

But I also know that the longer they go without smoking, the less likely it is they will ever smoke.

The longer they go without drinking, doing drugs, the less likely this is going to be a problem for them. Not that they won’t ever try them, because they might. But the longer it is that they don’t, the better.

My children are totally capable of making mistakes and do frequently. So do I for that matter.

Giving them the time to figure out how they feel about things, to learn the information for themselves, and give them a chance to see others making mistakes is priceless. So I’m going to keep sheltering my children for a little while longer while giving them freedoms to choose that I feel are appropriate.