Recently I was interviewing Leta Greene, regarding a project I am currently working on. Some of you might remember I reviewed her latest book “Love, Me Too: Finding a Happy and Fulfilling Life After Sexual Abuse”. During the course of my conversation with her, we touched on something that I needed to be reminded of, and maybe you do too.
Often we hear people saying, “I can’t do that.” Or maybe we have said ourselves, “I can’t do that, because of x, y, or z.” Often over the years, I know that I have used this excuse.
I said, “I can’t go sledding down that hill because of my back issues.” Or, ” I don’t have the ability to deal with that person right now due to my anxiety and depression issues.” This is okay, and sometimes necessary. It’s good to have healthy boundaries. But for me, it didn’t stop there.
The not going sledding down the hill with my kids snowballed into never wanting to go outside during the winter. The cold would make my back spasm, the ice made walking precarious and if I fell I would make my back worse. My excuses just went on and on.
Sometimes we use our disabilities as an excuse. Click To TweetI wanted to talk to Leta about the children she has had with special needs. One died, living not quite 2 months. Another has Tourette’s Syndrome. But it doesn’t occur to her to think of him as having special needs. Special needs, to her, are simply superpowers. So often we think of these disabilities and needs as a negative thing. She has turned them into positive things in her life and that of her family.
When I sit down and really think about the people I admire, the people I see out there who are happy, and really enjoying life? They aren’t making excuses. They are doing everything. These are people who are living their life to it’s fullest despite their disabilities or life issues.
. . .if we see someone who, in spite of life’s adversities, is happy a good deal of the time, we should recognize that we are looking at spiritual achievement- and one worth aspiring to. ~Leta Greene Click To Tweet 
The truth is, my back would have been better if I had spent more time with cautious exercise. My mental health would have been better if I had gone outside more and breathed the fresh air. It wouldn’t have cured my disabilities. But in the long term, it would have made me feel better. My “Superpower” of anxiety? It makes me slow down and take note of what is going on in my life. It makes me scale down to what is truly important to me. It makes me more empathetic.
I was 18 when my paternal grandfather died. My Uncle, who was tasked with speaking at the funeral, went around to all the Daughters and Sons-in-law and asked them what they felt my Grandfather had taught their spouses that had helped their marriages. My Mom’s response I’ll always remember.
Mom said, that Grandpa taught my Dad that he could do anything. If he didn’t know how to do something, that couldn’t be an excuse. He was expected to and found a way to do it. He tinkered around with it until he figured it out, he read about it, or as a last resort (because he is a man after all), he would ask someone to teach him.
As his child, I saw this play out time and time again in my own life as I would have many people say to me over the years, “You are SO talented.”, just because I was able to do something they couldn’t. Something they were afraid to do. My Dad passed on the lessons from my Grandpa Lyman. He taught me that if I wanted to learn something, learn it. Do it. Don’t let anything stand in your way. It usually had nothing to do with talent.
As I have grown older, my own mortality has become real. The consequences of doing things right the first time have hit home in a way they didn’t as a youth. I have become afraid. I started using excuses that I can’t do things because I was afraid.
I’m really grateful to Leta Greene for reminding me that I can do things. That my disabilities and special needs can be an asset and not a liability. People who put their minds to something can accomplish extraordinary things.
What excuses are you using in your life? What things are you saying “I can’t” to, when you really could, and should say “I CAN”?
