Middle School

An Ordinary Mom's Musings > Middle School
My Son’s Not Graduating This Year, Be Gentle

My Son’s Not Graduating This Year, Be Gentle

The journey of a special needs parent is both stunningly beautiful and utterly heartbreaking. Often with one coming closely on the heels of the other or at the same time.

I have made my peace that our parenting journey doesn’t look like everyone else’s.

Image by vined mind from Pixabay

But it doesn’t mean this year is an easy one.

Be gentle with me.

This year my son should be in his senior year of high school with senior pictures, parties, and all the fun senior things to look forward to. It should be a year of celebration.

But our year isn’t going to look like that. Be gentle with me.

Instead, he started 10th grade over again because he didn’t quite have enough credits last year completed to finish it. He was already behind, but he was one point away from being able to pass his Pre-Algebra class after taking the class for the 4th time. The good news is that we switched tutors to one who specializes in learning difficulties and after taking it for a 5th time, he passed with an A.

Image by Pexels from Pixabay

We tried to get him a summer job last summer to start edging him into the adult world. But that didn’t happen between state funding being cut so they couldn’t do the job placement program we had been working toward, and mom only having spare minutes here and there to help him learn how to fill out applications. He got a call back from one, but when he called them and spoke to them, they brushed him off.

I have learned that I need to work at his pace, and his pace isn’t being a graduating senior this year. The fact that he has made it this far despite literally sleeping through his entire middle school experience is honestly a miracle.

But it doesn’t mean that I won’t be grieving what could have been this year.

Be gentle with me.

When I see the senior pictures, when I see the graduation invitations, my heart is going to hurt. He won’t be leaving for college in the fall or getting his first apartment.

Be gentle with me.

I’ll be over here cheering him on. Cheering that he FINALLY passed his pre-algebra class. Cheering because he finally had a semester where he passed every single class! Cheering he made it to 11th grade mid-year. Cheering that if he continues he should (fingers crossed) graduate next year.

Image by Peter Timmerhues from Pixabay

Our journey isn’t the typical one, but it will make the celebration all the sweeter once it gets here.

*This previously appeared on Her View From Home.

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My PTSD With My Son and School Issues

Anxiety is literally eating me apart.

Daniel and Charlie
One day this past week I couldn’t get my son to go to school and I didn’t figure out until later in the day that it was due to a new testing system. He’s never had any problems taking tests. It makes me wonder if they are following his IEP and actually giving him the testing accommodations he has a legal right to, due to his disabilities. Some of these accommodations are things like having a scribe, having the questions read to him, a bit of extra time, etc. This ensures that he can show what he actually knows, and doesn’t get caught instead in the mechanics of the question. But are these accommodations happening?
I signed paperwork to start a Functional Behavioral Assessment early last week. Things have not been going well in his first year of middle school. He’s reading a book or drawing or watching YouTube videos rather than participating in class and that isn’t going to get him an education.
The Vice Principal called at the end of the day on Friday to let us know that the teachers had come up with a new plan. He would still follow the 6th-grade curriculum track but starting Tuesday, he would be going in and staying with the 8th-grade class. They told me he can do all his work on the computer. But who is going to monitor him to make sure he isn’t on YouTube? If he does all his work on the computer, how will they teach him to work in groups for group projects when that is something he is highly deficient in his ability to do at this time?
They tell me he will still be getting the same content as the 6th graders it will just be a quieter environment that hopefully, will make a better work environment and he will be away from the kids that are setting him off. But how is it appropriate to put a 6th grader who is behind in at least half of his subjects with 8th graders? How are the teachers going to deliver his content, while they are teaching 8th-grade level subjects? He is already behind, there is no way he can keep up with 8th graders.
I am afraid that their next move will be to decide to place him in a self-contained classroom if this doesn’t work. But for him, that would definitely not be the least restrictive environment, and it is the law that he is placed in the least restrictive environment. I am worried that should he be placed there, he wouldn’t get an education. They would just babysit him and he would pick up more inappropriate behaviors in this setting from children who are lower functioning than he is.
Our meeting to discuss all this isn’t scheduled for 3 weeks. The torture of waiting to see what is going to be the educational outcome is crushing because these decisions can really make or break a child’s success and this is MY CHILD.
In the meantime, his behaviors have been escalating. Christmas break and the break in his routine was not our friend.
This has made my anxiety crush me, and insomnia a frequent occurrence. The years of dealing with these situations have given me PTSD with regards to school meetings of any kind. It’s taking my max medications and supplements for me to get through the day. Friday and Saturday after a root canal I couldn’t deal with things. But somehow I have to.
I don’t know why it is this way but it needs to change. Parents with children with Special Needs shouldn’t have to fight SO hard get basic educational needs met. Yet we do, and we will continue to.

A New Era of School For Us

Written Tuesday September 5th.
Tonight my anxiety levels are high. My oldest starts middle school tomorrow. In the best of circumstances middle school can be full of daunting experiences. My little boy has Autism so it’s hardly the most ideal circumstances. 
I spent a lot of time researching schools. We have the option in Washington state to “choice” our children into any public school we want so I took full advantage of the oppurtunity. I choiced him into a K-8 school as I felt strongly the smaller environment would be better for him. A week before school starts I get a phone call saying they had made a lot of changes to their program and the physical space. Now there would be 60 kids in the room at one time… So much for my small environment. After talking things over with them, we’re going to give it a try. Hopefully this works.
All new school, all new type of schedule. New expectations for this child that doesn’t deal well with change and transitions. We just figured out Elementary school!
My heart goes with both of my children tomorrow as they start back to school. May they find true friends and truely learn to love learning. But my anxiety also will be joining my son’s path down this new territory.