Parents

Why We Say No To Slumber Parties

Why We Say No To Slumber Parties

I had a unique slumber party when I was probably 10 or 11, compared to a lot of other slumber parties. My family owned a small motel. I was able to invite about 10 girls over for a slumber party in one of our motel rooms, sans chaperones. We spent the night binging on tv and snacks and at one point after midnight, snuck out down the street for a bit. If my parents only knew. . .

But not all slumber parties are fun.

Not all slumber parties end well.

I overheard girls talking about me and others when they thought I was asleep. It wasn’t kind.

Generally, it has been our practice not to allow our kids to have, or participate in sleepovers.

My number one reason?

I was going to say-

Because kids are a complete mess the next morning from not sleeping the night before. I’m all for my kids having fun and spending time with friends. Dealing with the aftermath of not enough sleep.

But the real reason is safety.

Graffiti on a wall with a picture of a girl and the words rescue me
Image by Eduardo Davad from Pixabay

Did you know that most children who are trafficked in the U.S. are trafficked not by a stranger but by a family member or someone they know?

At slumber parties things get tried for the first time- pills, alcohol, smoking, touching, and experimenting.

My kids will make choices.

But I want to make sure that they are old enough to understand the choices and the consequences they are making. I don’t think it’s fair to make them deal with circumstances they aren’t ready to deal with.

Am I sheltering my children?

Maybe.

But I also know that the longer they go without smoking, the less likely it is they will ever smoke.

The longer they go without drinking, doing drugs, the less likely this is going to be a problem for them. Not that they won’t ever try them, because they might. But the longer it is that they don’t, the better.

My children are totally capable of making mistakes and do frequently. So do I for that matter.

Giving them the time to figure out how they feel about things, to learn the information for themselves, and give them a chance to see others making mistakes is priceless. So I’m going to keep sheltering my children for a little while longer while giving them freedoms to choose that I feel are appropriate.

A House Fire- Is Your Family Ready?

“I opened Facebook Messenger to find a message from my friend. Her house was on fire and she was requesting help. We dropped everything and ran.”
Read more. . .

Child Loss- A Sibling In Heaven

Child Loss- A Sibling In Heaven

”Growing up, I always knew I had a sister in heaven. I remember talking to her as a child and making promises that I would make all the right choices so that I could join her in Heaven one day. For me, she had personality and vitality and was waiting for me to join her so that we could fulfill our relationship as sisters.”
Read more. . .

8 Survival Tips For Surviving A Pandemic Summer

8 Survival Tips For Surviving A Pandemic Summer

“The temperature is rising and down here in the South and it feels like we are already well into summer. But summer is just getting ready to start. And I don’t know about you, but after having had my kids home for school for the past 2 1/2 months. . . “
Read more. . .

We ALL Need a Hug

We ALL Need a Hug

“We ALL need a hug right now.

At a time when people are dying due to a pandemic and we are social distancing to protect ourselves and others, how do we meet the emotional and mental health needs that we have?”
Read more. . .

Pictures Hold A Thousand Memories

Pictures Hold A Thousand Memories

“I thought I looked fat and ugly from pregnancy and I couldn’t stand looking at the picture. It made me cringe. It was hidden in the depths of a photo album never given a place of honor. Just stuffed in there with random loose photos.”
Read more. . .

I Don’t Love My Child Today

I Don’t Love My Child Today

”Have you ever had that moment where you realized you don’t like your child? Maybe even hate him? ”
Read more to decide if I am psycho, or a good mom. . .

I Waited 20 Years- I Can Wait A Few More

I Waited 20 Years- I Can Wait A Few More

For 20 years it was my dream to buy a house. When my husband heard me, he said, “Wait, we haven’t even been married 20 years yet.” Not all dreams start at the same time.

In September of 2019, that dream finally came true. And what a house!

Enter my children on the scene- “I have to have a bookcase, a desk, a x,y and z for my room or it’s not ‘done’.” “We have to have a pool in the backyard!” And any number of other things. they feel gipped. Happily ever after didn’t come with accessories.

What my children haven’t learned is that sometimes waiting is a good thing.

I waited for 20 years for my own home, and darn it, if I can wait 20 years for that, I can wait 6 months or a year for the dining room table to go in our empty dining room. Or the recliners we want/need for our living room. It’s not like we don’t have a table and chairs- We do, a 4 person set in the kitchen that works great for us as long as we don’t have any company. Our living room has my beautiful couch I had recovered that I’m in love with. Which works great for us as long as we don’t have any company over. (Seeing a pattern here? The guest room also needs a guest bed. . .)

My empty dining room. With one of the bookcases my husband made.

But, in not insisting that I have everything right now, I’m gaining things I wouldn’t otherwise.

I’m teaching my children how it’s important to work and wait for things. In a society where we can’t even wait for our tv shows- we have to have the whole season to binge watch, I think it’s important to purposely teach our kids that it’s okay to not have everything, and that it can take time to earn the things we need and want.

My children are learning that it’s important to pay our bills first, and then we can look at things we want. Taking stock of everyone’s needs and wants, finding a time and place for them. My daughter informed me that she didn’t know what she was going to do for a job when she grows up but it’s going to be something that makes a LOT of 💲. 😂 This way she could have everything she needs and most of what she wants.

I’m no interior designer. But I want to be careful. My house doesn’t need to, and shouldn’t look like a museum. But I want to be purposeful in my color choices, and the things I change and bring into my home. Because I’m taking time acquiring things, I can find just the right piece to fit in my home to create the right atmosphere. I’m not picking out the first thing I see. I’m taking my time and picking things out with purpose. Always keeping in mind that I want it to be a place where we, and others feel at home and at peace. A lot of thought is going into this.

In some cases we are making things we need and that takes time. A few years ago my husband made me stunning book cases for our many books. (We could use a few more.) Our current plan is that he will make my dining table. Judging from the other pieces he has made me it will be better built than most furniture you can buy in the store, stunning, and have special meaning. This teaches my children to value quality over quantity. It just has to fit in between his work schedule, the National Guard, and redoing all of our closets.

This is not to say that I don’t get impatient. That I don’t want things to be perfectly put together and done. But part of the joy in this process is the process. I’m in no rush to finish something I have waited so long for.

And I can wait.

Sometimes Parents Need To Get Out Of The Way

Sometimes Parents Need To Get Out Of The Way

“Sometimes as parents, we need to get out of our children’s way. We need to let them step forward and fail spectacularly or nail it. Or land somewhere in between.”
Read more. . .

Time Out: It’s Not Just For Kids

Time Out: It’s Not Just For Kids

“Time out has been used as a tool by parents for what seems like forever. Giving a child a few minutes to calm down, reflect on the situation and be ready to try again is something most of us can agree on.
But do you take the time to calm down and reflect too?”
Read more. . .