Therapy

An Ordinary Mom's Musings > Therapy
Will It Be My Fault?

Will It Be My Fault?

I sometimes think back to the early years of my kids lives. They were born in 2006 and 2007. Until 2015 I dealt with debilitating back pain. In 2013 I had my first back surgery which didn’t work. In 2015 I had my second surgery and almost 8 years later I’m still doing well.

But those early years meant a lot of mom laying on the couch or bed, trips to doctors, emergency rooms, and chiropractors. When we were preparing for my second surgery my daughter was terrified what would happen to her and her brother. She remembered that after the first surgery I couldn’t do much. Who was going to take care of them? Who was going to feed them?

As I remembered this today, it struck me that my husband and my roles are reversed now. He is frequently in hospital, or at doctors when I can drag him there (men!)., in bed and not feeling well. Now they worry about him.

Who is going to be there for them when he cannot?

Water Gun Fights In The Winter

Parents are central to a child’s survival and psyche. It is from them a lot of our self talk comes from. It is from them often we learn to rely a lot on others or be very independent.

I worry that because of all the physical pain I was dealing with, which in turn greatly affected my mental health, I was not enough. Add to that dealing with other people in the family’s mental health and the strain it put on me.

Did I raise children who will sit on a therapist’s couch one day because their mother ruined them? Because she wasn’t emotionally or physically available?

As they are teenagers now, I wonder through these years of their hating me one minute and breaking down to tell you they love you the next. Did I fill their needs? They were fed and clothed.

I Have A Dream

I Have A Dream

In 2018 I took hold of my dream of finishing school and becoming a therapist, despite my not being sure of being able to pull it off. In 2021 I graduated with my Bachelors in Psychology and started my Masters in Social Work. Now I’m currently working on my first of two internships.

As time as gone on and my knowledge has grown, this vision of becoming a mental health therapist, this dream, has continued to grow.

I have a dream of owning my own therapy practice.

But that is only the beginning. I dream of working with a psychiatrist who uses alternative forms of healing as well as psychiatric medication. I want a massage therapist and a acupuncturist on staff. I have found a huge benefit in those forms of treatment both in my physical and mental health and I believe they could be an important part of healing for many people.

I don’t want to be in a strip mall in a nondescript building. I want a small building in the middle of trees surrounded by a therapy garden. Somewhere where clients can go to heal and meditate and find peace. Where they can work in the ground and watch things grow. Where the things that grow there can feed their bodies and souls. A place where yoga classes can take place on a grassy knoll. A big gazebo where group therapy sessions can be held. To help support the garden, it could be a place for small baby showers, weddings, bridal showers, garden and book clubs when it isn’t in use by the clinic.

I want healing to happen. Strength and resilience to build. A place where everyone feels safe, welcome, and accepted.

It started with a small dream of becoming a therapist. And it keeps growing.

MASH and Autism

I have fond memories of laying on the living room floor watching MASH with my Dad when I was little. My husband spent 23 years in the military so he’s a big MASH fan. My kids surprisingly love it too. But what does MASH have to do with Autism?

My husband found a book written by the actor who plays Father Mulcahey in the MASH series. It turns out, he and his wife raised a son with Autism. The book details their struggles to find answers and help for him.

If you follow me on Goodreads- or even here for that matter, you’ll know I read a lot. Last year’s number of books read was 108. But there is one narrow genre of books I almost never read any more.

Books about Autism.

When our son first received his diagnoses I over indulged, and then the life that was being described within the pages of the books became all too real. I just couldn’t.

My husband encouraged me to read the book Mixed Blessings by William (Father Mulchey) and Barbara Christopher. So I read it.

Their journey started 50 years ago. I found the book both fascinating and horrifying as I read what they tried, what was recommended by professionals at the time, and how much dedication they put into trying to help their son.

But overwhelmingly? I found it unbelievably depressing to find that things haven’t changed all that much. That many of the things they struggled with- IEP’s, doctors, therapies, shear exhaustion- we are still dealing with these exact same issues 40 and 50 years later. I can’t tell you how heartbreaking this is to realize.

This is why I don’t read books on living with Autism.

Holding a Job and Being a Parent of Special Needs Child is Often Incompatible

Holding a Job and Being a Parent of Special Needs Child is Often Incompatible

“The first story I’ll tell you is that of a single mom. She recently discovered that her daughter had serious medical issues. All of her sick leave and vacation now go to time off for medical appointments. She has enough for this year, but next year, she will likely burn through that quickly. Vacations will now be a thing of the past while she desperately tries to balance working, being a mom, and the care of her sick child. She is lucky. She has worked with the company she works for, for over a year and therefore is eligible for the government program of FMLA (Family Medical Leave Act). This act protects her job and ensures she gets time off- though unpaid, to care for her child.”
Read more…

Making Lemonade Out of Lemons

Making Lemonade Out of Lemons

My husband is away right now studying to become a EMT for his work. Something that normally takes 6 months to do, his job is squeezing it into 2 months. That’s a lot of medical info to learn in a short time.

The night before his first test we were on the phone and we did a couple of his practice tests together.

I discovered something.

I knew most of the answers or could reason them out. I’m pretty sure I could have passed his first test without studying at all.

Earlier in the week I was out to lunch with friends and one of the woman’s sons has recently had to have an ultrasound on his thyroid. Another woman’s child had to have X-rays on her torso. We were talking over their children’s results, and I was explaining some of the things.

I’m no doctor or nurse. I don’t begin to claim to give any medical recommendations. However after so many years, and hours upon hours in doctor’s offices, therapist’s offices, and testing facilities I’ve found I have picked up quite a bit.

If your child has to undergo X-rays weekly, then biweekly, and then monthly for an extended period of time, you’re going to start knowing what to look for. Because my son had had so many X-rays as a small child of his trunk with his gastro intestinal problems, I knew what I was looking at when we xrayed him to see how bad his scoliosis was recent. I didn’t know what the percentage of curvature was, but I knew where to look and what was what on the x-ray.

So I’m going to call all of this hard-won knowledge “lemonade”. All those lemons of medical issues for myself, and my family, has brought knowledge I can put to good use. Both for myself and others. I really believe that all knowledge gained can be put to good use.

Fear About Being Admitted to a Psych Unit

Fear About Being Admitted to a Psych Unit

“Mental health is a scary issue for many people. There is so much stigma attached to many of the diagnoses. Adults frequently are afraid that they will lose their jobs if anyone finds out. This leads to not getting help, and not being able to talk to anyone about their mental health isolating them from the world. Which in turn, can lead to more mental health issues like depression and anxiety. ”
Read more. . .

I Don’t Have Everything Together

I Don’t Have Everything Together

“It occurred to me the other day, that since I have a blog, and frequently share things I’ve learned about mental health and specific disabilities, some might view me as setting myself up as an expert.
Let me clear up any confusion right now.”
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I Can’t Tell What You’re Saying

I Can’t Tell What You’re Saying

“Last week I was in Walmart with my son. As we waited in line to check out I was noticing the amount of people wearing facial masks and thinking, ”I really miss seeing people’s smiles, I can’t tell if how they are feeling with their face under a mask.”

And then it hit me.

This is how my son has viewed the world.”

Read more. . .