An Ordinary Mom's Musings

The stigma around mental illness is something that has been on my mind and heart for many years.
I first became aware of it when I became a military spouse. Soldiers committing suicide, military personnel who wouldn’t seek help for what they were experiencing or if they did, it was outside the military’s health system. They are afraid that if their chain of command caught wind of it, they would risk losing their job, their homes, their family’s health insurance, and the support of being surrounded by others who had seen and gone through the same things. This isn’t just in their minds, it’s a very real possibility for these men and women.

Whether it is the military’s official position or not, these men and women have been taught and conditioned to put up, shut up, and move on despite anything they might be experiencing or feeling, because in times of war their very bodily survival depends on it. But after the war is over, they are still waging a war that also affects their body’s survival. The military has recognized the danger of PTSD (it has been given different names over the years) and is working to change this culture, but it has been slow and from my view, ineffective.
Later my experience with this issue came in my own struggles with anxiety and depression. These are issues that can be genetic or caused by experiences in life. Then came my child’s issues with autism and other mental health issues.
Many people live in silent fear of losing jobs, losing respect, people thinking they are crazy (and I am using the word crazy literally in this case) if we are honest about the hidden battles we wage in our lives. We hide in shame, and when someone asks how we are doing, the answer is always, “I’m fine.” We cannot be honest. Honesty isn’t something we feel we can afford. We can’t risk the reactions. We have seen it before. They suddenly have something else to do, the slightly masked horror on their faces, being left out of things and not being asked to be in charge of things we would normally be. Because suddenly we aren’t deemed capable, and our issues might be “contagious”.
The result is us slowly sinking back into ourselves. It becomes harder to go out and connect with people, which only makes our situation worse. If we weren’t already dealing with depression, it starts wrapping its ugly invasive vines around our mind and heart. It holds us in its clutches and those bonds formed by those invasive vines can be very hard to break.
The more years that go by, the more people I talk to about this stigma that we fight; as unfair as it is, I’ve come to realize that it isn’t going to change until the very people who are suffering from these mental illness issues are brave enough to stand up and talk about it.
It isn’t fair. We shouldn’t have to stand up and share the deepest, darkest parts of our lives with the world! But until we do, how can others who don’t experience these things understand where we are coming from? How can they truly understand the toll that the very act of living and participating in life takes on us? They can’t. But in doing so, I believe that society will finally come to understand just how common mental illness is. That many people great and small have accomplished incredible things in spite of having to fight these demons.
This is one of many reasons why I have chosen to come out into the light. As hard, and as soul exposing and perhaps even foolhardy it may be, I need to do this, for myself, for my child, for every military person, and civilian who is out there. Together we can be strong enough to fight this. Together we can overcome the stigma. One day it is my hope that mental illness will be stigmatized no more than a broken arm or leg which just needs proper treatment and rest.