Your Story Is Important And So Is Hers

I want to introduce you to my friend who we will call Jessie. I wrote about her recently on my Facebook page. At that point, her family hadn’t gone public with the details of her death or the mental health issues she dealt with. Now that they have, I want to share a small piece of her story with you that she shared with me. I do so with the permission of her family.

Now that she is gone, I think she wants you to hear her story about her mental health too. Because she has a story that needs to be heard.

I met Jessie at a writing retreat last summer in the middle of a cornfield in Nebraska. Her View From Home an online magazine that we both write for, had invited her to share tips with us on self-publishing books. As I wrote down notes from her tips, I had no idea what this woman would come to mean to me just a few short hours later.

Right before leaving for the retreat, I’d been freed of a boot due to a broken foot and wasn’t walking well yet. A family member, due to mental health issues had been in and out of the psychiatric unit twice in the last month. Doctors had no answers for us. We had found out we were moving across the country to Memphis. Then our landlord called and told us she wanted us out by the end of the month. I was a bit of a mess.

Okay, a lot a mess.

When I shared the struggles with our family member that night with the group and asked for prayers for him, Jessie got up, told me she needed to talk to me, and pulled me outside. A mutual friend had asked her to reach out, but she hadn’t known who I was.

For the next couple of hours, Jessie shared her story with me. We cried, we laughed, and then we cried and held each other some more. It was what my soul needed. She had answers to major questions I had and could calm my fears.

You see, from the time she was a teenager, Jessie suffered from not just anxiety and depression- things that are more socially acceptable to talk about now, but bipolar and schizophrenic disorders. She had spent time in a long term psychiatric ward.

As a student of psychology, I was in awe. As a person, my heart was full of love and incredible respect for this woman.

In my abnormal psychology classes when they show videos of people with schizophrenia, the people are always frumpy looking. They may have been brilliant at one time. Now, they could no longer hold down a job at the level they had and work menial jobs by comparison. Jessie did not meet this characterization. She was well kept, gorgeous even! She was married with two boys whom she adored. Jessie had pursued and achieved a Ph.D. In her job she was ”the boss” to a lot people and she did her job well. She also successfully launched and published her own brand of anthologies about motherhood, because she believed that women should be able to share their stories and that their stories were important. She was successful, kind, and amazing.

The irony?

Even though she thought it was SO important to share your story, she couldn’t share hers.

Who is going to let their child come over to play at your house when you see people who aren’t actually there? Who is going to hire you, let alone let you be in charge, if you hear people who aren’t there? She knew her story was important and that people needed to hear it. But she couldn’t say a word.

As a person, as a friend, I can’t bare for her story to be lost. Families and individuals who are dealing with schizophrenia and bipolar disorder NEED to know that there are people like Jessie out there. Her life wasn’t perfect. It had all the ups and downs that these illnesses bring. But there is hope. There is every reason to believe that you/they can live a life that isn’t less than, because of a disorder that you did nothing to cause. We NEED to show the world these truths so that people can speak openly about the struggles and triumphs they experience with mental health.

The other reason?

Jessie was a warrior.

An honest to goodness warrior. She fought HARD and LONG for her mental health. She took her medicine, she knew when to ask for help. And yet, she lost this last battle. Jessie wasn’t defined by her diagnosis. She was so much more.

Ultimately, no one knows what was going on in her head before she committed suicide. But her way of death does not take away from her legacy and all she accomplished in spite of everything she had to deal with. She was an amazing woman. I have been blessed to have known for a short time and to be able to have called her friend.

In honor of Jessie and her belief that our stories should be told, I’m opening up this blog to all of you. Write your story about disability, mental health, motherhood, or anything else you think might be a good fit here. Email it to me at Calleen@anordinarymom.site. I will take a look and make sure it fits, edit, and publish it here.