An Ordinary Mom's Musings

“Am I to blame for my child’s diagnosis?”

This is the question parents with Special Needs ask themselves, pretty much without exception. There is A LOT of guilt that accompanies having a special needs child. I have seen it in both with Mothers and Fathers. At some point in our parenting journey, no matter the circumstances, we wonder or blame ourselves.

If your child has a diagnosis that they don’t know what it’s cause is yet, you can fall prey to the barrage of articles that are published constantly about new reasons for your child’s diagnosis, and about 75% of the time it’s going to point a finger at the parent.

This really doesn’t help us. It just adds to our burden. We all want answers, but guilt, shame, and blame at this stage of the game isn’t going to help anyone.

I have a child who has many diagnosis’. Some we know what causes them, some we do not. But the more I have investigated things, talked to other parents, and talked to professionals, I have learned one thing, and I’m going to share it with you.

Is your child’s diagnosis due to physical abuse by you? Is it due to you using illicit drugs or drinking too much?

No?

Then the answer to this question of blame, shame, and guilt is that IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT!

Genetics are a crap shoot. You may have a gene that your family has been carrying for generations, but due to just the right circumstances, which were one in a million, it manifested itself in your child. ANYONE can have a child with a genetic anomaly, and genetic testing isn’t going to change that or find everything.

Environmental reasons? You are a parent who is doing their best. Your best is all anyone can ask for. You aren’t purposely putting your child in unhealthy environmental situations. How were you supposed to know there was lead paint, or it was in the water or some carcinogenic? You can’t know everything. No one expects you to.

So, while it can be hard to hear, and hard to accept.

Hear me.

YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME.

YOU ARE NOT GUILTY.

You are a parent who loves their child, who is doing the best that they possibly can for them. You love them, and that love itself is powerful stuff. Take a deep breath and let all of that guilt, shame, and blame go. You don’t need to carry it.