An Ordinary Mom's Musings

As parents of special needs children, we are preached a religion of self-care. We are told repeatedly we have to make time to take care of ourselves or we won’t be able to take care of anyone else. That’s all well and good, but when I was in the thick of the worst of special needs parenting having no idea what I was doing or how to make it through?

I wanted to punch every person who said that to me.

Were they going to come babysit my kids so I could get that much needed respite? I didn’t see them volunteering.

Even when we got to the point where we were eligible for respite care and could have someone come and watch our children, we struggled to find anyone who could come, who would show up, and we felt comfortable with. Or that our kids felt comfortable with.

So how do you get this illusive self-care?

How do you find respite in the challenging life we find ourselves in?

First we need to adjust what our definition of self-care is.

Self-care often isn’t massages and vacations.

Instead, it’s remembering to take your vitamins and medicine every day. Take them at the same time you are giving your child theirs. One- it models good behavior for them. Two- you remember to give them theirs, so you’ll remember to give them to yourself once you get into the habit.

Self-care is learning when you need to tap out. And if you were like me and often didn’t have anyone who could give me respite, a tv show or quiet time was my respite.

Self-care is finding time for something each day that brings you joy.

– Calleen Petersen

For me, that often means creating something. Bread, music, crocheting, writing. There’s just something about creating something that is so fulfilling. Maybe your joy is listening to podcasts, reading, or running. I’ll leave the running to you and tuck up with a book and good loaf of bread.

For me, a lot of my self-care happens at night. I would put the kids to bed when they were little, draw myself a bath, grabbing a good book on my way to the bathroom, and I could be there for hours if possible. It was the one thing that could calm me down after a difficult day.

What works for me may not work for you. But take it from me, another Mom in the trenches of special needs parenting, you need to find your joy to be able to make it through. You need that self-care. Start with something small and simple. Start with you today.