Parents

Public Schools Think Parents Have Private School Money

Public Schools Think Parents Have Private School Money

Public schools think that parents have private school money.

I love what being on the dance team has taught my daughter. It has taught her to work hard and not give up even when it gets difficult. It is currently teaching her that you don’t have to like everyone but sometimes you do have to work with everyone for the benefit of the team. It has taught her confidence in herself and kept her in great shape. Those are valuable life lessons and that’s we’re here for. But something deeply concerns me about these school sports, marching bands, dance, and cheer teams and that is the amount of money it costs.

In many public schools, these activities are so expensive only families with two working parents with really good jobs can afford them.

When we went to the first meeting for the dance team, we were told that we needed to pay $1000 that month. No warnings, no payment plans. $1000 was due and if you couldn’t pay that, you were out of luck. We are in a situation where both my husband and I work, and while it was tight, it was something we could manage. Prior to me going back to work? We couldn’t have afforded it and our daughter would have had to drop out. Growing up, if I had wanted to do something like this? It would have been impossible. Our family never had that kind of disposable income.

Two cheerleaders mirroring each other with their hands in the air and one foot up.

This is a public school and in talking with other parents, these fees are not unusual. And it’s not just the dance team. I know a family who spent over $12,000 for their kids for band this year. Dance didn’t stop at the $1000 of course. It wasn’t unusual to have to pay $500 a month between the next round of uniforms, the next monthly coaching fees, and all the incidentals that kept coming up. Do we really need 3 sets of expensive practice uniforms? Then 2 sets of competition uniforms and a game day uniform, each set completed with their own $100+ pair of shoes and jewelry and hair bows?

The activities within public schools should be available to all. Band, football, cheer, and dance teams shouldn’t be exclusively available to those who can afford it. Not to the privileged few who are lucky enough to have come from families of economic means.

Blue background with orange overlay of a marching band cutout.

Fair play and opportunities for everyone have always been important to me. But then I started raising a child with special needs. A child who, if we did not demand that he be given the same opportunities as others, often wouldn’t be given them. This has made me look at situations and realize when we as a community, as a society are being unfair. Our 12 years of living off my husband’s income made me hyper-aware of the many times people just don’t have the money. Because we often didn’t have the money for things.

We as a society need to do better.

We need to invest in schools so that not only those who can afford tutors, extra training, and all the extras can participate and succeed. We also need to take a hard look at our programs and determine what is necessary to have a good program and what really isn’t so that everyone can participate.

A version of this first appeared on Her View From Home.

Will It Be My Fault?

Will It Be My Fault?

I sometimes think back to the early years of my kids lives. They were born in 2006 and 2007. Until 2015 I dealt with debilitating back pain. In 2013 I had my first back surgery which didn’t work. In 2015 I had my second surgery and almost 8 years later I’m still doing well.

But those early years meant a lot of mom laying on the couch or bed, trips to doctors, emergency rooms, and chiropractors. When we were preparing for my second surgery my daughter was terrified what would happen to her and her brother. She remembered that after the first surgery I couldn’t do much. Who was going to take care of them? Who was going to feed them?

As I remembered this today, it struck me that my husband and my roles are reversed now. He is frequently in hospital, or at doctors when I can drag him there (men!)., in bed and not feeling well. Now they worry about him.

Who is going to be there for them when he cannot?

Water Gun Fights In The Winter

Parents are central to a child’s survival and psyche. It is from them a lot of our self talk comes from. It is from them often we learn to rely a lot on others or be very independent.

I worry that because of all the physical pain I was dealing with, which in turn greatly affected my mental health, I was not enough. Add to that dealing with other people in the family’s mental health and the strain it put on me.

Did I raise children who will sit on a therapist’s couch one day because their mother ruined them? Because she wasn’t emotionally or physically available?

As they are teenagers now, I wonder through these years of their hating me one minute and breaking down to tell you they love you the next. Did I fill their needs? They were fed and clothed.

Take Your Medicine And Other Self-Care Tips

Take Your Medicine And Other Self-Care Tips

“As parents of special needs children, we are preached a religion of self-care. We are told repeatedly we have to make time to take care of ourselves or we won’t be able to take care of anyone else. That’s all well and good, but when I was in the thick of the worst of special needs parenting having no idea what I was doing or how to make it through?
I wanted to punch every person who said that to me.”
Read more…

My Greatest Hope and My Greatest Fear

My Greatest Hope and My Greatest Fear

“Two and one half years.

That’s the amount of time I have left until my son turns 18. Every time I think about it, terror grips my heart.”

Read more…

Being Held Emotionally Hostage

“I was recently talking with another mom who has a child with mental health issues. While talking she used the term “emotionally held hostage.” Those three words struck a cord with me because so often in the special needs, disability, and mental health worlds it can feel like we are being held hostage. By our children, spouses, parents, and even ourselves through our own illnesses.”
Read more…

Fast Sundays: Grandma to the Rescue

Fast Sundays: Grandma to the Rescue

“In our religious faith, the first Sunday of every month is reserved for a special time of fasting and prayer we call Fast Sundays. Traditionally, the expectation is that we abstain from food and drink for 24 hours. Then the money that we would have spent on the food and drink would be donated to those less fortunate. We also spend that 24 hours, usually praying for a special purpose. The object is to help others while bringing us closer to God. At various times in my life, I have been better than others at following this. ”
Read more. . .

Summer-time and the Living Is Easy

Summer-time and the Living Is Easy

“I grew up in a very small town that boasted between 800-900 people during the time I lived there. Summers were hot. I can still hear, and feel my feet slapping against the hot pavement as I ran. I would never wear socks or shoes if I could help it. They were too hot and confining.”
Read more. . .

Fear About Being Admitted to a Psych Unit

Fear About Being Admitted to a Psych Unit

“Mental health is a scary issue for many people. There is so much stigma attached to many of the diagnoses. Adults frequently are afraid that they will lose their jobs if anyone finds out. This leads to not getting help, and not being able to talk to anyone about their mental health isolating them from the world. Which in turn, can lead to more mental health issues like depression and anxiety. ”
Read more. . .

My Daughter’s Proud of Her ADHD

My Daughter’s Proud of Her ADHD

“So often we think of disabilities as hard, horrible things. Yet here was my daughter saying that she was proud of one of hers.”
Read more. . .