My daughter has been having difficulty understanding and being nice to another girl. The young girl can be abrasive and the sort of person who instantly rubs you the wrong way. My daughter and I have had multiple conversations about how she doesn’t have to like her per se, but she does have to be kind. We are working on defining and refining what being kind means.
Years ago there was a girl who rubbed me the wrong way. It was a similar situation. I didn’t understand this girl. And that really was the heart of the issue I discovered. When I learned more about the challenges she faced that I had known nothing about, I grew to understand a little bit of the “why” she reacted the way she did. Understanding the why, gave me greater compassion to be kind. It helped me to see and understand her at least partially in the way that God sees and understands her. And that is a beautiful gift.
I wish I could just transfer this knowledge from myself to my daughter, but that isn’t the way life works. She has to learn this lesson on her own. So until she does, we’ve laid down a few ground rules.
- When the young girl talks to her, she has to look her in the eye and reply nicely. She cannot just ignore her.
- If other people are talking ill about the young girl, she is not to participate. She can leave the conversation or change the subject.
- She doesn’t have to make her, her best friend. But if she is doing something with all the rest of the girls, she cannot leave this girl out.
This is the beginning of my list. It’s a work in progress.
As we see news story after news story of children killing others. This is the difference I can make. I can help my children to understand differences in people, to not exclude others, and be kind. The world needs more kindness and compassion. We all need someone to be there for us when we are at our lowest and many of these kids that have featured so prominently in the news stories, have not felt they have had that. It won’t cure mental illness, but it can help by not adding on to the despair and pain these children are experiencing.
Hopefully one day my daughter will learn the lesson I did of seeing this young girl how God sees her and can offer a hand of friendship and love to her. Until that time we’ll keep working on it.
Such a great life lesson and yes it is true and I completely agree this world needs more kindness and compassion. In fact I believe if we would just take time to encourage each other it would help make a world of difference. I clicked over from your post being featured at Live Life Well
Thanks for clicking over and thanks for reading!
Nobody’s perfect and it can be really hard to see the good in others, but as you say we want our children to be able to be kind even when they don’t really want to be. It’s definitely tricky. thanks for sharing with #fortheloveofBLOG
It’s a learning curve for all of.us. That’s for sure.
This is such an amazing thing to be teaching your daughter. I know that I wish I was more like this at times. It is hard when you meet those people who instantly rub you the wrong way as a victim of sorts, especially when you feel like the victim at the moment. But you are right, we are called to love as Jesus loves. I think your rules are amazing! Great job!
Happy Easter and thanks for linking up at #LiveLifeWell!
Blessings,
Amy
Thanks for reading!
The list of rules that you’ve set is good! They should be ones that we all follow. I love how you gave your daughter permission to not “like” her. It makes what you’re teaching more real. We can’t like everyone we meet, just like everyone isn’t going to like us. This is such a great lesson, albeit a hard one. Thank you for sharing with us at #LiveLifeWell.
Thanks for reading. It’s all part of finding balance.
I love the rules you set. I’ve been working on teaching this to my daughters as well and haven’t thought about concrete grond rules to help them follow. Love this. 🙂
Thanks! It’s a work in progress.
Such important lessons for our kiddos. And seeing others as God sees us? So hard. We are a work in progress over here.
Thanks for reading. I agree.
I love your honesty and hearing how you are working through this for my daughter. I’m taking notes in case I ever find myself in this situation with one of my kids!
Thank you.