As I have mentioned numerous times- we’ve recently moved. And I find myself struggling. I’ve been at loose ends.
Maybe it’s just the process of pulling up roots and being replanted. But I find myself listless and trying to find meaning in what I am doing every day.
Maybe it’s cabin fever. There’s been a lot of unpacking to do and plenty of things to do in the house so I haven’t been out much. And until last week, it’s been too hot to want to spend time outside. Near 100 degrees every day and 90% humidity. . . My body wasn’t made for that.
Maybe it’s the fact that for SO long I have been living on adrenaline, to the point that I think I have worn my adrenal glands out.
Suddenly I find myself in this place where my husband loves his job and couldn’t be happier. We have a beautiful home that we are enjoying making our own. Our daughter is doing well and making friends. And while things aren’t perfect with our son, they are fairly stable (at least for today). I’m not hanging on by the merest thread for the first time in years. I have a firm grip.
I have so many things that I need to do- research schools in the area to finish my degree, find a durable medical supply place that will actually supply my son, sign my daughter up for gymnastics, finish unpacking and organizing, work on house projects, and so much more. But I have no desire to do it. I’m doing good to get the laundry and dishes done.
It doesn’t feel like depression. It feels a bit like I’m trying to find my way. I don’t know what to do with all of this change, relief, and calm. This isn’t how my life is. But suddenly, it is. And even though my life isn’t battling through a storm right now, I need to have grace for myself and know that it’s just going to take some time to adjust and be patient with myself.
