Middle Aged? I Still See Myself As 20- But There’s a Mirror

I remember myself in my mirror in my 20’s. So full of potential, ready for life to take me in new directions, exploring life. I was very conscious of what people might be thinking of me. A few pounds lighter and a lot less gray in my hair. Staying up late was an every night occurrence.

Here I am in my 40’s and in many ways, I don’t feel any different. I still have potential. Life is sending me in new and exciting directions. I’m excited for the coming years. Yes, 9 pm is often my bedtime, and my body doesn’t work as well as it used to.

But I still catch myself thinking I am just as young as the 20-year-olds I see. Until I catch a glance in the mirror. . .

But I know things my 20-year-old self doesn’t.

The writer with her dog — Writer with her dog.

I know who I am. I did when I was 20 too. But that person who I was at 20 has been tested and tried in some brutal fires of life. It changed me as life always does. I know who I am with new confidence born of going to the bedrock of my beliefs and finding the foundation to build the rest of my life on.

Caring about what people think? That took up so much of my time in my 20’s. ”Does he like me?” ”Am I cool enough to hang out with the cool group?” Clothes, job, relationships were at the forefront, and with every decision came second guessing.

At 40- I wear what I like, what is comfortable and appealing to me. My relationships are stable and I don’t have time to seek after people who don’t have time for me. I barely have time for me. I’m comfortable in my own skin and it shows.

20 year old me was fun, but 40 year old me is better. So the mirror can take a hike!