Growing up, I always knew I had a sister in heaven.
I remember talking to her as a child. I would make promises that I would make all the right choices so that I could join her in heaven one day. For me, she had personality and vitality and was waiting for me to join her so that we could later fulfill our role as sisters.
Knowing that she was there, feeling that she was cheering me on and waiting for me had a profound effect on me as a child. I believe this to have been all for good.
Miscarriage and child loss is coming out of the silence that it has been held in for generations. I believe this is better for everyone this loss touches.
There is no reason to hide your story of miscarriage, stillbirth, SIDS or lost children from your other children. It can be a boon to them as heaven and the people there become real to them. And to you, as they keep the memory of that little one you lost alive. These are the family members who will keep their name alive and in use. They will help you cherish that sweet spirit who was gone too soon.
Often we feel as parents, we need to shield our children from loss. It’s painful, and we don’t like our loved ones experiencing pain. But pain and grief are going to be part of their lives. We can never run away from it. Sharing with your children your feelings of loss and grief teaches them how to handle grief. This way when it comes to their turn to experience loss, they’ll have a road map of how to handle it.
Why do I share this with you?
Because just as parents grieve the children they have lost through miscarriage, stillbirth, and other death we don’t realize the profound effect it can have on siblings. They too will mourn the loss of that expected brother or sister. Their lost playmate.
Telling your story is good for your soul. And honestly, what parent wouldn’t want a sibling like I had for their children to look up to and help them strive for heaven?
*Note- While I don’t discuss it here, I too have suffered child loss. This is one area I haven’t told my story. It is my hope that one day I will.
I read this and thought to myself; the struggle is real; the pain is real. I have two nieces that have suffered that fate. One had a child that was born still born and the other was going to be born with just a brain stem. As an aunt; I couldn’t help them enough. I just wanted to make their world better; but there was nothing that I could do or say. But rather just be there to listen. It was at that time; that I started reflecting on my own. Over 30 years ago, I was super excited to be pregnant. Long before the ultra sound; we just had the sonogram. Things appeared normal. With once exception; you could see me walking for a country mile. I was crazy huge. (I lost so much weight being pregnant; but to look at me; you would have said ..nah) I delivered a perfectly bouncing boy. But it was the following day; that I delivered his twin. The one that no one knew about. I delivered that baby, by myself, in a bathroom. The baby was stillborn; wasn’t fully formed. The nurses where quick to take the baby away; before I had a chance to fully recognize what had even happened. I have always been honest with my sonshine; actually with all of my children. Back in the day; it wasn’t something that was discussed. But I have always told the story; so that my children will not ever forget. There was one more.
I’m so sorry for your loss. It is so important for us to tell these stories, even if it is only for ourselves.